Once upon a OnePiece
by Oni Giri Slash
Summary: The StrawHat pirates have been separated for over a year. Can they find each other in a world of twisted tales? Can they rid themselves of their curses? NOW COMPLETE!
1. Cry Green Wolf

**AN: This was just an idea I had and I wanted to see what you people out there think. So here it is, a saga based on the StrawHat pirates and common fairytales. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece**

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**ONECE UPON A ONEPIECE**

In which a long-nose liar meets a green wolf

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_Once upon a time, in an age that never really existed except perhaps in fairytales of old and forgotten, there thrived a village. The village, and let us call it Hill Village for various and obvious reasons, lived at the bottom of a green grassy hill and on the hill lived the villagers sheep. Everyday a young man shepherded the sheep from one side of the hill to the next, for that was his job. For you see, at the top of the hill was a dark and mysterious forest, as no respectful fairytale is told without one, and inside this dark forest lived countless horrors and the wolves, which liked nothing more than to eat sheep and shepherds. Now it happened that our shepherd was bored of his job and for the past months had grown into a habit of crying at the top of his lungs, 'Wolf', but alas, here he comes now, our hero for this tale._

"Wolf!" cried a curly dark-hair villager as he sprinted from his post by the sheep and down the hill. "WOLVES ARE ATTACKING! WOLVES ARE ATTACKING!" At the hill's base he stopped as his fellow villagers emerged from their houses, various weapons of pitchforks, pots and pans in their hands.

"TAKE YOUR ARMS!" he bellowed, "AND FIGHT OFF THE WOLVES!" He turned of his heels and ran up the hill with the villagers close behind him. However, as our shepherd reached the top he no longer quoted his wolf speech, instead he puffed his chest, cracked a grin and shouted. "HA! I HAVE TRICKED YOU AGAIN!"

Below him, the faces of the villagers' grew red with anger. "RIGHT," raged one holding a menacing looking machete. "YOU'VE DONE IT NOW, USOPP!"

Our liar, Usopp, grinned. "Only if you can catch me," and away he dashed, back towards his sheep. The villagers need not bother chasing the long nosed fibber, he was afraid of the dark and they would get him when he returned home.

_I am sure you have heard of a similar story about a boy who cried wolf and who met his fate by being consumed by one. But this is not that story, if it was, the title would be different. No, this story has a twisted tale and twisted fate, as our friend Usopp is about to witness. Perhaps he will live to see the end of this fairytale but this story has of yet, no ending and so the rules have changed. Now, back to our story…_

At the top of the hill sat Usopp beneath his apple tree, singing a song to himself about himself. Before him grazed the sheep, white cotton against a sea of green. Yet to his side was the dark forest. The very sight of this forest made Usopp's long nose quiver, he was brave of course, but to enter the forest was not bravery but stupidity. For it was the same forest that Hansel and Grettle got lost in a year before, making a foolish trail of bread behind them. They never went in again, that is, they never came back.

A dark steady eye watched the long nose villager singing loudly, not a note in tune and to his sensitive ears was as scratchy as a broken record. It set his teeth on edge, as did his hunger. With natural stealth, he padded out of the forest and towards the long nosed fool.

"You're a woeful singer long-nose man," he said, speaking the truth in a false cheeriness.

Usopp spun around, obviously startled by the furry green presence of a…"WOLF!" he jumped to his feet.

"Wait a moment," snapped the green wolf. "How do you know I'm a wolf? I'm just a green doggie."

Our Usopp relaxed. "Of course," he sighed gratefully, "you're a dog." He sat back down against the apple tree and beside the green beast. "Hi, my name is Usopp, the brave and mighty warrior of this land," he said brightly. "Who are you?"

The wolf, disguised cleverly as a dog, gave a toothy grin. "Roronoa Zolo. I am a swordmaster of Santori."

Usopp spied the three lengthy swords tied around the dog's waist and raised an eyebrow. "How…? How does a dog hold three swords?"

Zolo's wolf-grin lengthened. "Would you like to see how, Usopp?" He offered.

The shepherd jumped at the chance to witness something as strange as a three-sword wielding dog. "Oh yes!" he replied eagerly. "I would." He watched in complete fascination as the dog was able to stand on its hind legs, hold a sword in a both paws and one in between its jaw and swing them fluently around. Just as our beloved Usopp was about to comment on how awkward Zolo the dog looked he, Zolo, attacked and pinned Usopp against the apple tree.

Again, our shepherd screamed. "WOLF! WOOOOOOLF!" For only a wolf could play such a devious trick on a mere shepherd.

The Hill Village villagers heard the cry for help, in unison they looked at each other, shrugged, and continued sharpening their pots and pitchforks.

The wolf barked in glee, saliva dangled over the hilt of his sword and wolf chest. "MY LUNCH!"

Usopp watched in terror as a silver blade, the sharpened edge gleamed in the sunlight came slashing down towards his throat.

_Those of you who are fretting, fear not, fate has decided that our beloved Usopp will indeed survive for another few paragraphs. Yes, Usopp the shepherd was able to roll out from under Zolo's attack and the sword sliced the apple tree clean in half. Very impressive for a wolf – ah, but he __is Zolo. I will not be saying anymore as there is a story to be told._

He, the long nose shepherd, wasted no time. The villagers were not coming and even if they did, they would be no match for this weird creature on two legs and three swords. So with inhuman speed, Usopp ran into the dark and terrifying forest. Being scared can make you do stupid things.

Zolo watched as the first meal for days sped of into the forest. The sheep had scattered from all the commotion and in frustration Zolo stumbled after him.

"Damn," he growled and sheathed his swords, dropped onto his fours, picked out a direction, and whether or not the direction was the right way, pounded after the long nose fool.

The trees grew _fiercer_, taller, **darker**, as Usopp ran deeper into the forest. He glanced behind himself every chance he had for it was not long before he could hear the faint, but distinguishable, sounds of a panting, green, sword wielding, wolf. With a groan he looked up, in hope that he could climb one of the deathly looking trees. Instead, he saw a tall tower; the golden flag waving at him in the breeze was like a sign from god. Spurred by this new image, Usopp, our brave Usopp ran faster.

_Now we must leave Usopp and introduce another two characters. You probably have heard of them, if not than I must say you will be finding the next part of the fairytale rather confusing…surely you have heard of Rapunzle?_

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**AN: This is just the introduction but if you like the idea please review. If I get good reviews I'll put up the next chapter! (I'm still working out how to do it?!)  
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	2. A trail of crumbs

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**AN: Chapter two!! Hope you all enjoy this weird, yet enjoyable, story!!!!!!! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece**

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**Chapter Two**

The prince, the damsel, a trail of bread crumbs and one trajic tale

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His heart shaped eye stared up, up towards the woman with the red-golden hair and soft complexion. She was a vision against the tall tower, with no entrance or exit except for a sole window in which she leaned out of, allowing him to see the white dress billowing in the wind. Such radiance, such beauty. How could any witch lock her away? After a year of searching, he had finally found her. In love, he kneeled on one knee and cupped his hands towards her. 

"Oh my sweet! Your hair shines like the raising sun. Your eyes are like amber pearls of the Mother Sea. Your very existence, makes my heart pound with love." His heart eye pulsed beneath a curly eyebrow, and his curly eyebrow beneath his white-gold hair. He blew out a puff of smoke from his cigarette and grinned with crazed ardor. "Oh Nami, again I ask, let down your hair so that I may climb up, rescue you in my arms and save you from this horrid prison."

Nami picked dully at the stone work of her tower, which had been her home for over a year. She had been hoping for a rescue for ages and of course, it was Sanji who had found her. She was so happy to see him a few minutes ago, but his continuos ranting of how much he loved her was annoying. Just shows how little things change.

"You know Sanji," she called down, "if you got a ladder, I wouldn't have to wait forever for my hair to grow." She flicked back her hair to indicate how short it was.

The blonde man, who was wearing a vest of velvet and gold and long navy-coloured pants, doused his cigarette against the stone tower. "A ladder my love!" He turned to his elegantly saddled horse and untied a ladder. He leaned it carefully against the tower. Just as he was about to climb, a long nosed shepherd came crashing into the clearing. The man pushed Sanji out of his way and began to frantically climb – as though a hungry three-sword-wielding green wolf was after him.

"Oi!" Sanji snapped as he watched Usopp's behind travel higher up the tower. "This is my rescue attempt!"

"LET ME UP! LET ME UP! LET ME UP!" Usopp scrambled into the tower, ignoring a fuming orange-hair woman, who pushed him aside and made her way down the ladder.

Sanji turned towards the forest as a green wolf crashed out from the under growth. His curly brow furrowed. "What are you doing here, Marimo?"

The wolf stopped in his tracks and flattened his ears. "None of your business, Sanji."

By this time, Nami had finished climbing down the ladder. Sanji turned to her in a delicate swirl and awed.

"Nami!" He opened his arms wide.

She was able to side step him and Sanji hugged the ladder instead. "Sanji?"

He turned to her. "Yes my sweet?"

"Is this…?" She pointed to the green wolf. "Is this…ZOLO!" She ran to the wolf, who was just as shocked and stunned as her. Nami bent down and embraced him. "You're a wolf!"

Sanji lit another cigarette, fuming. "Big deal."

Nami shook her head. "It is a big deal. Being a wolf is almost as bad as you being a prince!"

_Ah, so it is all coming together. Slowly the pieces are falling into place to give you, the reader, a picture of what is going on. But wait! This is not over yet; Sanji, Nami and Zolo have been reunited, but what of the others? Robin, Chopper and Luffy…what of Usopp? There are more pieces to come dear reader, and to make them clearer we will be having a somewhat 'flashback' to a year before and witness first hand the fate that befell on poor Hansel and Grettle._

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**…ONE YEAR BEFORE…**

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"Ah, dear Hansel," said Grettle, "why don't we scatter our last piece of bread on the ground and make a trail of bread crumbs so that we may find our way home."

"Why, Grettle," declared Hansel, "that is a jolly good idea."

_Hence the two children, Hansel and Grettle respectively, dropped the crumbs of their last piece of bread on the ground and traveled further into the dark and mysterious forest._

_It was only twenty minutes later that a particular straw-hat came peering through the dark trees._

"Uhhhh" He moaned, clutching his stomach, which growled dangerously. "I'm soooo hungry." He looked around himself and at the large dark trees. "NAMI! SANJI!" He called. "ZOLO?" He turned around again. "ROBIN! OI CHOPPER!" He paused as he tried to remember something; however, his chain of thought was broken as he looked at his feet.

Scattered on the ground in front of him was a trail of breadcrumbs. Luffy grinned. "I've found some food!" He knelt onto his knees and made sure every piece of crumb was consumed.

_I can go on about how Luffy ate these crumbs, how he picked off every speck of dirt before shoving it down his gob – which is a mouth. How he slowly made his way down the trail previously left by Hansel and Grettle. No, so I will tell you instead that Luffy ate the entire trail, that led him to a house. This house was far from ordinary as it was made from candy. And those with imaginations will be picturing a house made entirely from sugar and seen through the eyes of a starving person. You would think a miracle occurred and then you would politely knock and ask for some candy and receive a generous amount that would last you a whole lifetime. But you forget, this is not some door knocking character, this is Luffy who most likely thinks all food is to be eaten, regardless if someone uses that food for a home. Therefore, he ate the entire house in one bite, again, regardless if anyone was inside. Luckily, the witch who had captured Hansel and Grettle was having her barbecue outside, so she was not consumed. Now that I have summed everything up, we can return to the story._

"YOU WRETCH!" The witch screamed, brandishing her barbecue tongs at the house shaped Luffy. "YOU STRANGE AND WEIRD WRTECH WHO ATE MY HOUSE! I'LL CURSE YOU! I'LL PUT A _TERRIBLE_ SPELL ON YOU!"

Luffy patted his bulging stomach. "Wow, I'm full."

_I would like to point out this misconception. If you ate a house you would not be full…you would be dead. Again, you forget, this is Luffy. Sorry…_

The witch, whose grey hair billowed widely against her wrinkled face, waved her barbecue tongs in the air. "WITH MY WICKED AND AWESOME POWER…"

Luffy turned to look at her. "Hey old woman!"

"I, MODONNA HILTON MIGNOE DEPP JOHN BLOOM IRONS KNIGHY KNIGHTLY _STONE_, SHALL CURSE…"

"Are you going to eat that?" He pointed to the steaks on the barbecue.

"YOU WITH THE MOST EVIL OF CURSES!"

He wobbled over to the barbecue and picked up the hot steaks. "Can I have them?"

"YOU WILL FALL TO SLEEP UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN KISSED BY A FAIR LADY! MWHA HA HA HAA!"

Luffy had stuffed the steaks in his mouth. "Oh boy!" He said, chewing excitedly. "These taste real yummy!" He had no time to swallow, when he fell over sideways and was deep asleep.

**…AND THAT, DEAR READER, WAS ONE YEAR AGO…**

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**AN: Thanks to Zenfry and ChainofDreams for reviewing!!! Thanks to ChainofDreams for bringing up Kaya. I never thought of her, but now that you mention it I might add her later in the story...perhaps as...no, I won't give it away!! And thanks to Zenfry for his critical analyses.**

** !!!!REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER THREE!!!!  
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	3. Kissing sleeping Luffy

**AN: Well here is Chapter 3 for this epic adventure - hope you enjoy!!**

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**Chapter Three**

Curses, Kisses and Crossroads

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Nami shrugged her shoulders and continued to frown at the crossroad. One path headed to her right, another to her left and she was trying to remember the direction that the roads would be headed in. Sanji was puffing heavily on his cigarette behind her, trying, without prevail, to be of some use in this dire situation. 

"Let me get this straight," continued Zolo, sitting dog-like in the dirt, "Nami can't navigate anymore?"

Sanji's face darkened. "You're getting on my nerves green dog."

"I'm just saying," he said defensively. "I mean it's a real bad thing for Nami to be cursed like this, since we all totally suck at directions."

Now, it was at this point our brave hero Usopp, who had smartly said nothing throughout this whole ordeal, decided to no longer be mute. "What curse?" He attempted at not sounding worried.

Nami sat down, frustrated with herself and pointed at Usopp. "Who _is_ he?"

"Some villager I chased, he can't find his way back so he's still stuck with us," replied the green wolf casually.

"Fine," she snapped, "he may as well hear the story."

_And the story, to cut it short, went somewhat like this…_

_An evil wizard in the Grand Line cursed them all when they found a deserted island. This deserted island was cursed and naturally the Straw-Hat crew were cursed too and sent to this forest where fairytales are born. So far, Zolo has been transformed into a green wolf. Not only does he look weird but he, at first, was unable to wield his three swords – however, as we have witnessed, he has overcome that dilemma. Sanji, is now a Prince (later we will travel to his castle) but all food cooked by his hands turns black and tastes foul. Nami can no longer navigate or head in the right direction. The three mentioned above can remember all their crewmembers except, and they are positive they had one, for their sharpshooter. They can only hope that person can remember them…whoever they may be._

Usopp's nose quivered. "A curse…?" He looked at all these weird people. "You used to be pirates!" Which somehow was scarier than the fact they were cursed.

Sanji lit another cigarette. "We _are_ pirates," he corrected. "We just have to find the others and our gullible captain." He helped Nami to her feet. And since everyone else was incapable…one due to a curse, the other naturally could not lead and another because he was too scared…Prince Sanji turned left and led the way.

After two hours of pointless walking, the three previous crew members of the Straw-Hat crew and our beloved Usopp came to a quiet clearing, in which golden sunlight, filtered by the leaves above them, shone down onto the dark ground and a marble crypt. The trees moved with the wind, an eerie rustling was the only sound heard. The moving branches forever changed the shadows cast on the ground. The once navigator shivered. "It's like…" she whispered. "Like something is here."

Zolo sniffed the air, his ears rotated around his head. "The silence…" he whispered too.

It was as though they had walked into a bubbled where time stopped and everything slept. Sanji kicked a stone, which flew across the clearing and hit the side of the marble crypt. The low ringing that echoed through the golden beams was haunting.

"Perhaps," muttered Usopp edging backwards, "we should just go."

No one paid him any attention as they slowly walked towards the crypt. Sanji ran a hand along the lid, pulling away the vines to reveal an inscription. The inscription read…

_If you have a weak heart, I advise you to not read the following for it might contain some disturbing words:_

He who ate my house of candy

I curse you

Scones and sugars, rum and brandy

I curse you

He who ate my well-cooked meat

I curse you

Lies here forever in his sleep

CURSE YOU

_Awfully terrifying, all those 'curses' is it not?_

Zolo rolled his eyes. "I can take one guess and I bet I know who's lying in the crypt," he said.

Our shepherd shuddered. "You…you don't suppose the corpse will mind?" He jumped back as Sanji heaved back the marble lid. The grinding of stone sounded louder than it should have been in the bubble of silence. There came a hissing off air as it escaped its prison. With a loud thud, the marble lid hit the ground. Usopp screamed, Nami gasped, Zolo snorted, and Sanji looked into the crypt.

"You have got to be joking!"

_You, dear reader, cannot see what was lying asleep in the crypt; therefore, I will give you a brief description. He had a straw-hat, which sat on top of long black hair. His eyes were closed – for he was asleep. A peaceful expression graced his face. If you have not been able to guess the person in the crypt, cursed for eating a house and steaks, then I am afraid you are just going to have to return to chapter two and remind yourself._

Nami leaned into the crypt and wiped away the long hair grown over her captain's normally visible forehead. "He seems so much more bearable this way," she smiled. "I haven't seen him for so long."

Zolo grinned. "The idiot."

Our beloved shepherd from Hill Village shuffled closer to the crypt and peered in. "Is that him?" He asked. "Is that…Monkey D Luffy?"

The green wolf watched as Nami shook Luffy's rubbery body. "Luffy! Luffy wake up!"

Sanji sucked heavily on his cigarette. "Perhaps…perhaps he can only be awaken by a kiss…"

Usopp backed off. "WELL I'M NOT DOING IT!"

"…By a fair lady," finished Sanji.

Nami looked at him. "WHAT?"

The wolf smirked. "You heard him Nami."

She turned around flustered. "Won't one of you boys do?"

Sanji's forehead darkened. "Maybe Zolo…"

Zolo swung around to face him. "Oh yeah love-snob. Why don't _you_ give the captain a big smooch?"

The previous chef of the Straw-Hat crew blew out a puff of smoke. "My only love is for women."

"Oh yeah, well my only love is…" he paused as the others looked at him. "My…my swords. HA!"

_I suppose he had to say something…hem hem_

Sanji turned to Nami. "Just give him the _kiss_," he said the 'kiss' like it was a foul taste.

Gathering her courage, Nami leaned into the crypt, brushed away Luffy's dark hair and gently lowering her face, kissed him on the lips. She hurriedly pulled away wiping her mouth as she did. The four had stopped breathing; Usopp had stiffened, waiting…waiting. Luffy did not wake up.

Zolo peered in. "Hmm, still looks asleep."

Sanji booted him in the backside, sending him spinning across the clearing.

_Zolo was swearing, but as these words are too __horrid for your ears and eyes, I will just say he was swearing._

"Nami," said Sanji – she looked at him. "You're going to have to do it properly. You have to give him a real _smooch_." He stressed the last word, which made his neck crack.

With a groan she, Nami, with as much courage and bravery as any man on the high seas, leaned back into the crypt and clamped her mouth over her captain's.

_You can understand what Usopp was thinking. And no it is not 'Oh good heavens she is so remarkably brave'. Because that would mean he knew what Luffy was like. No. He was thinking this: 'What is the big deal? She's a girl, kissing a guy can't be too bad'. Ho ho! Little does our dear Usopp know that Luffy is the last person Nami would rather kiss – or maybe not. I am terribly sorry if I cannot read minds. I am naught but a simple, yet phenomenal and effulgent storyteller; therefore, such things are beyond me._

Luffy felt something soft against his lips but it was gone before he could make out what it was. There were voices, voices he knew well and loved. Slowly, he felt his body come back to life. Suddenly, something slammed into his mouth. Amazing! He was too sleepy to move against this fierce force. He basically accepted it. It was not until he opened his eyes a fraction, did he realise what was going on. He groaned his navigator's name. "Nami," he murmured, "you're taking my air."

Apparently she had not heard and the urge to breathe was making his head hurt.

"NAMI!" He shouted, bolting upright so that their heads collided painfully together. "I CAN'T BREATHE!"

Zolo burst into laughter. "You were suffocating him!"

Nami stumbled backwards rubbing her head and wiping her face – spitting out spit that was not entirely hers. "Kissing," she spat, "is not my thing."

Usopp was terrified. "YOU COULDV'E KILLED HIM!"

Luffy's arms stretched out as he yawned widely and loudly, breaking the bubble of silence. "WHAT A GREAT NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" He spotted his crew and leaped joyously out of his marble crypt, which had been his bed for over a year. "HI GUYS! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!" He ducked as Sanji made a kick for his head. "Oi! What'd you do that for Sanji?"

"IDIOT! YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR OVER A YEAR!"

Luffy stopped from throwing a punch back. "Eh? I have?" He turned to the shepherd. "Uhh, who is he?" It was at that moment Luffy found something at the back of his mouth. He swallowed. "Ah," he declared, "that old lady cooks the best steaks!"

_Reunited with his crew, the newfound friends and Usopp traveled to Sanji's castle. Encountering many dangers including monsters from the unknown, beasts with one two many heads, trolls that like eating Billy goats and tell stupid riddles and a little girl who was visiting her grandma – which Luffy had to save from a wolf, not Zolo, with only a tiny axe. Why he was holding one was beyond him. It was only until after this adventure that they reached Sanji's castle._

_Anyway, forget all that, because if we travel three miles north from the clearing, where Luffy had been laid to rest forever, and find the funny tree shaped like a skull. And from there, turn roughly twenty-five degrees to your left and walk another nine or so miles. Then take the train towards a little place called Hill Village. From Hill Village head northwest for about a day or so and you will literally stumble across Stumble Across Inn. Do not accept any food of drink as it is most likely poisoned; and do not sleep once during your stay there. If you do happen to survive until morning then take one of Stumble Across Inn's mutant horses (and I personally suggest the vegetarians rather than the man-eating ones) and ride west for an hour or so. Leave the horse and hopefully it will find its way home. If you have followed all the previous directions to the letter, you should find yourself in a cute little forest known as Sherwood Forest. When I followed these instructions, I was off by about a mile and ended up in the Forbidden Forest, nasty place. Therefore, I do not know if the directions are one hundred percent reliable._

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**AN: Anyway hope you all liked it. Luffy is back - but what is _his_ curse? And who will we find in the next chapter...? Review my dear readers, review.**


	4. Dinner at Sanji's

**AN: Here it is! Hope you people out there are all enjoying this hilarious tale.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own OnePiece, nor the following story that is in here - but I'm not going to give it away. He he hee**

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**Chapter Four**

Lincoln clothes and Burnt spaghetti

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He turned into time to see the arrow fly true. Its silver point glistened in the morning light. Chopper reared his legs, startled and took off. 

"Robin," smirked a huge man, "you can't shoot an arrow to save your dear old mother's life."

Robin, a young hero that lived in the Sherwood Forest and one of the best archers to ever live, fumed. "I will get that deer and bring it down by the horns!" True to his words, Robin Hood went in the direction he saw the deer fled. After two hundred meters, give or take, Robin found himself staring at a weird creature who was hiding itself in the most peculiar of ways. Only half its face was hidden, the rest of his body was visible from the tree it was standing at.

"My my," muttered Robin, rubbing his chin, "what a funny looking beaver."

"I AM NOT," suddenly the creature had grown large. Muscles bulged from its once tiny arms and legs. "A BEAVER." He picked up the ruffian and brought him to his face. "Why were you hunting me?"

"I…I…I…I'm Robin Hood," he held out a weak hand, "nice to meet you."

The giant smiled. "I'm Chopper the reindeer." He put the forest man back on the ground and took the offered hand.

Robin looked at huge creature, half-man and half-reindeer. He was strong…he grinned. "You, dear Chopper, must come and join my band of Merry Men."

Chopper raised an eyebrow. "Your band of Fairy what?"

The forest man gave a slight hurt look. "You haven't heard of my band of Merry Men?"

He shook his head. "Never heard of them."

"Never?"

"Never." Chopper picked up a blue knapsack. "It was nice talking to you, Mr. Hood…" Robin had grabbed Chopper's huge arm and was pulling on it frantically.

"PLEASE!" The man in Lincoln green cried. "I NEED BIG STRONG BEAVERS LIKE YOU IN MY BAND OF MERRY MEN!"

The reindeer man easily shook the strange person of his arm. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I have to find my friends."

Robin's ears perked up. "Your friends?"

"Yeah, I lost them about a year ago," he rubbed his forehead sadly, "and I can't find them." He watched as Robin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "One of your friends wouldn't happen to be Roaming Limbs would it?"

"I've never heard of him."

"Her," corrected Robin Hood. "She came to our town about a year ago looking for some people. Roaming Limbs has some awesome power."

Chopper was eager for more information. "What power?"

"She's a fortune teller!"

Chopper sighed. "That's not who I'm looking for."

"Oh," the forest man looked disappointed. "I suppose you don't mind if I tagged along and help you look for your friends do you, Chopper?"

Chopper smiled. "That would help, thanks."

The two began walking along a trodden path. "So," began Robin, "you've already looked in Sherwood Forest?"

"Yeah, I have."

"Hmm, have you ever thought about going to the Forbidden Forest? It's about a mile away and I hear it's rather a pleasant place."

The big creature shrugged. "May as well."

"JOLLY GOOD!" He abruptly changed his direction. "THIS WAY MY GOOD MAN!"

_I do not know if it was a cloud passing over the sun, but to Chopper and to myself, this way seemed slightly darker. Perhaps it was the owl hooting overhead, or perhaps dear Chopper should just ignore the really, __really_ _bad feeling going down his spine._

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Luffy wiped his long fringe out of his face and stared up at the huge white castle standing before him. "TOO COOL! TOO COOL!" The crew and Usopp made their way up the ridiculously numerous stairs. Finally reaching the top, Sanji pointed at a large sign hanging on the front door. It read: NO DOGS ALLOWED. 

Zolo cocked his head to one side. "I can't read it, it's too high up."

Luffy sprinted over to it. "It says no dogs allowed. COOL! Zolo's a wolf, he can come in!"

Sanji turned to the sign over. Which read: 'NO WOLVES ALLOWED'.

The captain's jaw dropped. "SANJI!"

The chef shrugged. "That's the rules, Luffy."

"No," he sat down beneath the sign. "No, I want Zolo to come in. I'm not going in if Zolo can't come in."

Usopp leaned across to Nami. "Is he always like this? Stubborn?" He whispered. She nodded.

Luffy motioned to Zolo, who obediently went to his captain, and wrapped his arms around the green wolf. "I'm not moving," he declared.

Zolo sat down beside his captain and gave a grin at Sanji. "Listen to the captain," he smirked.

Luffy began scratching his first mate between the ears, which, much to the captain's amusement, was making Zolo's eyes close.

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Fine, bring the pet."

Zolo's eyes snapped open, he broke free from Luffy's clutches and snapped at his rubber hand. "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN YOU RUBBER IDIOT."

Luffy stood up and grinned. "Aw, come on Zolo – you liked it." He followed Sanji through the large doorway.

Nami patted Zolo on the head. "Good boy," she cooed and walked in.

The swords-wolf stared as the long nose man made to do the same, he growled dangerously. Usopp ran after the others. Muttering to himself, the green wolf reluctantly went inside.

Usopp gazed high at the fine ceilings and decorated walls – utterly gob-smacked. Sanji was a prince with taste.

Nami's eyes were wide with absolute wonder. "Look at all this gold!" She screamed, taking a golden candleholder.

Sanji twirled over to her. "If you like it Nami, it's all yours!"

Nami screamed again and gave Sanji a rib-crushing hug. "YOU'RE THE BEST SANJI!"

The chef's face went rose-red and a heart flew to his eye. "You're…welcome!"

Zolo found a corner and lay down, curling up so his nose touched his bushy tail.

"Oi, Marimo." He looked up to find the blonde prince staring down at him. "No lying on the polished floors."

Zolo was saved as Luffy came over to defend him. "Sanji," pouted Luffy, "Zolo's alright, he can lie down on the floor." He sat down next to the wolf and dragged his first mate into his lap – ignoring the wriggling attempts of him trying to break free. Sanji stalked off. "Isn't this GREAT!" declared Luffy to his swords-wolf. "You're so much better as a wolf Zolo! You should stay like this forever!"

"LET GO LUFFY!" He tried to wriggle out of his captain's grip. "OR I'LL…" Luffy began scratching his belly, which was having an odd effect on him. "OR…I…WILL…" his hind leg began moving to Luffy's rhythmic scratching.

Luffy laughed as Zolo suddenly became dead still on his back; his long tongue fell out of his mouth and slapped on the polished floor. "Look Nami!" He said to his navigator. "Zolo's doing something weird with his leg!"

Nami came over to have a proper look. "That's what they do when you tickle their belly. I guess it works with Zolo as well." She sat down with the two. "I just adore his fluffy green tail."

Usopp come over and sat down as well. "I thought he doesn't like being petted, so why is he just…just lying there, doing that weird leg thing?"

"He's been seduced," replied Nami evilly.

Sanji watched the group coddling the green sword-wielding wolf. "Ugh, that's just wrong." He lit another cigarette and walked over to them. "Luffy, it's going to be dinner time soon."

"Really! What are you making Sanji?"

Sanji bit down on the cigarette butt. "Nothing," he said darkly, "the palace chef will be making it."

Luffy' face fell. "Eh? Why not?" He watched Sanji sulked away. He turned to Nami for an explanation.

"He's been cursed," she whispered. "Everything he cooks burns and tastes foul."

The captain looked horrified. "Well," he announced. "I am going to help the palace chef!" He stopped scratching his first mate's stomach and quickly ran off before he regained his composure.

"GET BACK HERE LUFFY!" Snarled the wolf, leaping to his feet. "I'M GOING TO HURT YOU!"

Nami, Sanji, Usopp and Zolo waited an entire hour for their meal. During that time, there came much clanging, raging, and Italian accented swearing from in the kitchen. After the hour was up, the palace chef, an Italian man, ran out of the kitchen crying.

"I don'ta know how he did," he cried. "But'e did, und now it's destroyed!"

Luffy came out of the kitchen holding a bowl of something black and burnt above his head.

The Italian chef looked devastated. "He burnt da spaghetti! HOW ON EARTH DO'YA BURN SPAGHETTI?"

_For those who do not cook, or, are not familiar with the word, I shall fill you in. It is incredibly hard to burn spaghetti because it is cooked (boiled) in water. Now, it can go hard, and it can go soft – but it cannot go black and burn. I know full well. For, you see, I used to attend the 'Royal Academy for Burning Food', a famous school and I am sure you have heard of it. My final test, before I graduated from my last year there, was to burn spaghetti. I failed shamefully and have spent the rest of my life as a humble storyteller. If you, dear reader, are recently attending the 'Royal Academy for Burning Food ,' then I might ask Mr. Luffy how he happened to work a miracle such as burning spaghetti, on your behalf. Perhaps with his knowledge, or sheer dumb luck, you will pass the final examination and live a more, prosperous, life than me._

The Italian chef pointed a finger at Luffy; who stared blankly back at him. "He is'a crazy, CRAZY I tell you!" He began making weaving motions with his arms. "His limb'sa go everywhere! Dey're over dere und then dey're over dere. IT'SA NIGHTMARE!" He flopped into the nearest chair. "I'ma ruined! He's drained all the love'a for cookin' outa me!" He suddenly jumped to his feet – horrified. "UND HE EATS'A LIKE A PIG!" Very soon, he was ranting to himself. Sanji motioned the palace guards to take him away.

"NO NO! I SWEAR! HIS MOUTH GOES'A DIS BIG!"

Zolo took his paws off the table and jumped off his seat. "Not that I wasn't looking forward to something to eat, but, let's get out of this dump."

Luffy threw his bowl of spaghetti at the wall, where it smashed, the black contents dripping to the floor. "I tried," he shrugged, "but I kept burning the spaghetti, I guess I can't cook."

Usopp shuddered at the foul black spaghetti as it ate a hole through the stone work. "Boy," he muttered, "doesn't that ruin your appetite."

Nami stood up and was about to lead when she stopped. "Remind me," she said. "Which way is the exit?"

Sanji pointed to the corridor on the left. Nami smiled and headed right.

Luffy watched her go. "Let me guess, Nami can't navigate, right?" Zolo nodded. "Eh, that's bad, since we all suck at directions and stuff." He reached down and tried to scratch his first mate between the ears.

* * *

Chopper raised a hand against the afternoon glare as he peered at the castle in the distance. "Robin," he began, turning to his new Lincoln clothed companion. "What castle is that?" 

Robin looked up from tying his shoelaces. "Hmm? Oh, that castle." He stood up. "That's Hogwarts."

"Really? Never heard of that either."

"It's a school where witches and wizards are taught magic." The forest man explained. "The famous Harry Potter goes to school there."

Chopper looked confused. "Marry who?"

"BLIMEY!" Cried Robin Hood. "Don't tell me you don't know who Harry Potter is!" He received a lost look from his huge comrade. "Why he defeated," his voice dropped to a whisper, "he-who-must-not-be-named."

Chopper whispered too. "Who's that?"

Robin broke out into a sweat. "V – V – Vol…"

"Why don't you spell it?" Suggested the previous doctor of the straw-hat crew.

"No good, I can't read or write…okay…its…**VOLDEMORT**!" Chopper blocked his ears. "Sorry, but he's a really scary guy."

"Really?!" Chopper could feel his teeth chatter. "Where is he?"

Robin Hood gave a cheery grin. "What do you mean where is he? He's dead of course – died from a heart attack or something. Anyway, FORWARD MARCH MY BEAVER COMPANION!"

_We leave young Chopper to gaze away at the castle a little longer before using the powers of 'storytelling' to re-direct ourselves to where the action is really taking place. About ten steps away from where Robin Hood and Chopper are heading. Funny how that really bad feeling never goes away._

* * *

**AN: Had to mention Harry Potter since they were in the Forbidden Forest and all - I think Robin Hood is weird :D Anyways , I hope I did the Luffy-Zolo interaction good ((waves to Emma Iveli)) and Chopper is found YAY! I think we all know who Wandering Limbs is ((sniggers evil-like)) but you can guess if you like - in your REVIEWS!**

**Robin Hood: No good, I can't read or write****  
**


	5. The witty minds of Robins

**AN: Wow! I'm so glad you people out there are enjoying this story!** **I want to say thanks to all those who have reviewed! "THANKS!" Okay, so enjoy this really touching chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece...or do I? Nah.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Foe, Friend and Fortune  
- be it good or bad -

* * *

Robin Hood, hero of Sherwood Forest, took ten steps, pushing away foliage that prevented them from seeing ten steps in front of them. Under these intense conditions, it was no wonder that the two new friends bumped into the most horrible of all beasts - a werewolf. Robin froze in terror as he stared into the dark eyes. He knew he was living his last moments in the world and that within seconds, he was to be digested. How cruel the world can be when…he turned to see Chopper, whose very presence was causing the beast to think twice. Robin hurriedly scurried back and hid behind Chopper. 

"WELL DONE MY LARGE AND HAIRY FRIEND!" He shouted. "FOR STOPPING THIS WEREWOLF IN ITS TRACKS."

Chopper bent down to look at the monster. "I thought they only came out at night, when the moon's full?"

"I'm different," growled the beast, it's voice startling Robin, "I come out when the sun's full."

"That's the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard," declared the Lincoln clothed bowman, emerging from behind Chopper. "A werewolf during the day? Why…why…that's not fair!"

The dark eyes darted to him. "Not fair to whom?"

"To everyone who thinks they come out at night! It is preposterous! Outrageous! Chopper," he turned to the doctor, "dear and faithful friend, tell this werewolf he is mixed up in the head. Tell him to get his act together and come out at night, when the moon's full, like all the other _normal_ werewolves."

"How can the sun be full anyway? Isn't it always full during the day?" Chopper questioned the stunned beast.

Robin nodded. "Another excellent point, thank-you Chopper for bringing it up."

The werewolf shook its head angrily. "YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME!" It roared.

"Trick you?" Laughed Robin, tapping the fiend on its long nose. "My that is rather funny. You, dear vermin, are tricking yourself. Thinking it is all grand and dandy to come out in the day. So I say to you. Go back from whence you came and do not return until it is night time and the moon is full."

The werewolf bared it teeth. "ARE YOU MAKING A JOKE OUT OF ME?"

The cheery man smiled. "Yes and a fine joke indeed. In fact, you're putting your entire race to shame."

The teeth disappeared. "I am?"

"Most certainly," agreed Robin Hood. "Why, coming out during the day is an abuse to your werewolf tradition. You should be grounded for the next two moons for this scandalous crime."

The beast backed up. "You make some sense, green man."

Robin was looking at his nails. "At last, we come to an agreement…WHAT? _GREEN MAN_?"

Chopper hurriedly clamped a hand on his companion's mouth as the werewolf sulked away from them, leaving them unscathed and alive. The doctor released the Lincoln clothed figure.

"How dare he!" Steamed the forest man, starting forward once more. "Did you hear that? _Green man_! Honestly dear Chopper, my beaver associate, he was going to get it from me."

Chopper smiled.

_I hope you have learnt something – that the tongue is sharper than the sword. However, in order to have a sharp tongue, you would need a sharp mind to accompany it. Otherwise, a flabby tongue rolls around the inside of your head and a floppy brain slaps against the sides of your skull. Not a pleasant combination, but a combination nonetheless. I suppose we owe Mr. Hood an applause of sorts, congratulating him on his witty retorts and rational thinking. And to Chopper, who prevented Mr. Hood from undoing what he had done. Anywho…_

Chopper suddenly felt his feet step onto the hardness of a small, yet welcoming road. He presumed, by the lack of shadows and distant howls of particular werewolves, that they were out of the Forbidden Forest and on the road to a famous inn, which Robin Hood had called Stumble Across Inn. Behind him, the green clothed man stumbled onto the road.

Chopper scratched idly behind his neck. "Are we going in the right direction?" he asked.

Robin straightened his clothes. "Why of course! Do not doubt my superior knowledge dear Chopper, I know exactly where I'm going." He lifted his nose into the air and took a mighty step forward. His foot sunk into the road. He leaned at an odd angle and then disappeared into the road completely.

The previous doctor of the Straw-Hat crew cried. "Robin!" And lunged after him. It was not at all what he had expected. Firstly, Chopper had thought he had finally reached the end of his short life. Secondly, the shock that he was alive was overwhelming, as Robin Hood experienced. Thirdly, he landed in an odd sofa, where springs and lice-infested cloth were its only remains. Had Robin been conscious he would have died. Fourthly, there was the oldest woman Chopper had ever come across sitting right beside him, she snapped her head at him and gave a twisted snarl.

"WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT YOUNG WHIPPER-SNAPPER? YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK? DO YOU WANT ME DEAD?" She screeched at him.

Chopper's huge body scrambled away from the woman, he thumped to the ground, which was most likely more hygienic. "N-n-no!" He stuttered. "We f-fell here," he looked up at the roof. "Where are we?"

The old woman snorted. "You're at Stumble Across Inn, sonny and keep your voice down, your hurting my poor old ears."

Robin, who was unconscious until now, stirred and lifted an eye. "BY THE MOTHER OF THE FORESTS. IT'S ROAMING LIMBS!" He screamed, falling to the floor before her. "OH ROAMING…AAAAAH!"

The wrinkled woman had lifted a leg, kicking Robin Hood across the small wooden room. "SHUT UP, FREAK!"

Chopper watched her with interest. There was something about the long silver hair that was very familiar. The same sharp features behind the dried leather were triggering something deep within Chopper's animal-like mind. He crept forward slightly. "Roaming Limbs?" he whispered.

She glared at him. Chopper noticed with a pang, that the old lady was blind, her white pupils were trained on him, but the vision was not there. This is explained her sharp hearing. "Where did you learn to kick like that?"

She shrugged. "Some boy I used to know when I was a hundred years younger. Had a kick as strong as a bull's." She squinted at him. "Why, squirt, do you want to know?" There was a silence as she opened her arms. "Come here…you – you sound so familiar…that…"

Chopper turned himself into the small and delicate half reindeer half boy and slipped between Roaming Limbs hands.

Roaming Limbs felt the soft fur between her fingers. She fingered the hat and his hoofs and a picture, which she had almost forgotten in her old age, returned to her. Tears glistened in her blind eyes. "Chopper."

The doctor nodded. "Yeah, it's me."

She suddenly pulled him into an embrace. "A hundred years of searching, Chopper and you haven't changed a bit."

Chopper rubbed furiously at his eyes. "ROBIN! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!"

Robin, Robin _Hood_, watched his new companion reunite with an old, very old, lady, who was with no doubt one of his long, and as he gathered, _very_ long, _very_ lost, friends. That was not good. He was looking for strong people to join his band of Merry Men, not old, blind ladies. He deiced to make his leave. "Well, my dear beaver companion, I will have to make my leave," he bowed low. "I am delighted you have found your friend but I have to move on before dark so I can return to my men."

Robin pulled away from Chopper's embrace. "Is this the young man that helped you Chopper?"

"Yeah!"

"Well then, young man, I shall tell you your fortune."

Robin Hood eagerly hurried over to her. "And what may that be?"

"If you pick the horse with the fangs," said Robin wisely, "there will be death. If you pick the horse with the gums, there will be good fortune for you."

The Lincoln clothed man shook her hand happily. "Thank-you ma'am and fair well. Thank-you too, Chopper, for being such a delightful partner." And with that he turned on his heel and chose a horse from Stumble Across Inn's stable. Apparently, he choose the horse with the fangs as the other had a contagious looking gum disease. He set out cheerily, waving at the two newfound friends who watched him through the window.

"SO LONG MY BEAVER FRIEND!"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "What horse is he taking?"

"The one with fangs."

"I told that loud-mouthed boy to take the horse with the gums," she snapped, turning away. "I can clearly see a terrible…"

Chopper spun around, scared. "A terrible what?"

She shrugged, just as the chef delivered some food with a glamorous smile, showing black teeth and half a tongue. Robin picked up the bowl and threw it out off a hole in the wall, despite the fact she was blind. "It's called nosiop, never eat it, Chopper," she croaked.

"Why?"

"It's poison spelt backwards, idiot."

Chopper shuddered and helped Robin pack her clothing so that they could depart by nightfall and look for the others. The Inn creaked and groaned beneath his hooves, which was no surprise as three wooden poles held the floor up. The non-existent fourth pole was the reason Chopper was in such a hurry to leave.

_Fear not about our friend Robin Hood, I had to get rid off him so that you would not be confused with the two Robins. The horse with fangs was friendly enough; it was not in any hurry to consume the bowman of Sherwood Forest because someone rode him the other day. I dare say that Robin Hood is safe at home right at this moment, smoking a pipe or drinking some brew, tending to whatever limbs he still has. I hear he lost an arm and a leg, or two arms and three legs…or two legs and six arms. I am afraid stories are contorted threw the ages and I cannot be precise as to which limbs he lost. My deepest apologies, dear readers._

* * *

**So how was it? Chopper and Robin are back together! HORRAY! Robin is really loud and obusive now that she's a hundred years old - I thought it would be opposite from her younger personality, to add something different I guess. I haven't mentioned Chopper's curse yet, have I? I think next chapter the Straw-Hats all find one another. Anyways, hope you liked it...Until the next chapter!**

**!!REVIEW!!**


	6. Unwelcomed accommodation

**AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! clicks heels and dances around OMG! I can't believe I lived through another year! wipes away sweat Another year closer to my car license! HA!**

**Disclaimer: OnePiece is not owned by Oni Giri Slash...however, Stumble Across Inn is of my creation and I want full complements for being it's founder! MWA HA HA HAA! **

* * *

**Chapter Six**

Accommodation at the Three Bears  
Little Piggies, Hill Village and  
Stumble Across Inn

* * *

Nami knocked once, waited impatiently for one second before committing a crime she had committed a thousand times over, she entered a house that was not her own. Through the small cottage-like house wafted a delicate smell of the solids of life, which was food and always will be food. There, sitting in a cozy little kitchen, with lovely lace curtains hanging from the windows, was a table. On the table sat three bowls filled to the brim with porridge. The navigator charged over to the bowls and sat in the large chair, she picked up the spoon and took some porridge. 

"OW!" She cried, spitting the porridge out, causing it to splatter on the lovely lace curtains, "IT'S HOT!"

Grumpy, that the first bowl was a trap, she moved to the middle-sized chair and took another spoonful of porridge. "YUK! TOO COLD!" She peered into the small, empty bowl beside her and shrugged. "Doesn't take a genius," she muttered, pouring the cold porridge in with the hot, she hungrily gulped it down.

Nami stood up, satisfied by two things; she was full _and_ she had ruined someone's breakfast. A job well done. Now, all she had to do was find her way back to her crew and everything would be okay again. She opened the door and screamed as three large brown bears blocked the exit.

* * *

Zolo's gut was fighting itself, tossing and turning, bubbling and burning, making him feel slightly light headed – something not even alcohol could do. He was making his way up a decorated path towards a recently built house. Knocking on the door to this house was a pig. It knocked three times and, using his sensitive wolf-like hearing, Zolo was able to pick up the following: 

"Password?" said a voice from inside the house.

"Not by the hairs of my chiny-chin-chin." Replied the visiting pig – the door opened and it stepped inside.

Zolo padded up to the house and scratched on the door. "OI!" He called. "OPEN UP! I NEED SOMETHING TO EAT!"

The door opened a fraction and a piggy-eye stared at him. "What do you want, wolf?"

The green wolf sat on his haunches and glared back. "Just a little something to keep me going," he grumbled, begging for food was really beyond him but Sanji had made quite an issue over the fact he could not cook, a fact he made clear a while back. His green tail was still charred.

"Fine," said the pig, "what's the password?"

Zolo rolled his eyes. "Just let me in."

"No," snapped the pork, "the password."

"Just…"

"No password, no food."

The swords-wolf thought that sounded oddly a lot like Nami with Luffy – perhaps she had turned into a pig. "Fine, little fat pig," he growled. "Let me in and the password is 'not by the hairs of my chiny-chin-chin'."

The pig clapped his trotters in delight. "See? That wasn't so hard now was it?" And it opened the door wider and allowed Zolo into the house, which he noticed with horror, was made out of straw.

He sneezed. "WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS PEPPER?"

The two little pigs looked up at him from the kitchen bench. "We are making pepper bread," said one. "This is our new straw house and we're going to use the oven for the first time!" It turned the oven on whilst the other pig held the pepper dough.

Something at the back of Zolo's mind told him that lighting a fire in a straw house was dumber than Luffy cutting shapes in the sails. Straw, ovens and juvenile chef-pigs just did not go together and usually led to life threatening situations, such as raging infernos.

The pigs turned the oven on which heated the straw wall, which caused a flame to leap out. This tiny flame sizzled on the straw wall and lit a fire. This fire burnt the house down in two point six seconds. Though not fond of mathematics, Zolo was counting. Pity the pigs escaped, they would have made a marvelous barbecue.

* * *

Luffy groped for his hat again. It was there, he was sure of it because he could feel it on his head – but try as he might he was not able to grab it. He looked in the window again and at his reflection where his hat was sitting cozily atop his mess of long black hair. He tried grabbing it again, slightly worried. 

Sanji sat across from him, bored and worried about Nami. Where was she? Was she all right? Hell, she was as bad at directions than Zolo and that was incredibly depressing. More depressing than the fact he burnt everything he cooked. Annoyed by Luffy's persistence he reached over and took his hat of his head. "Here, and stop being annoying," he handed the hat to his captain.

Luffy cocked his head to one side and stared at Sanji's empty hands. "What?"

"It's your hat fumble-fingers, take it."

Luffy looked at the window where his hat glinted in the reflection. "Huh?"

Sanji threw the hat at Luffy. It hit him square in the chest and floated to the ground. The captain jumped to his feet, surprised by Sanji's weird action, squashing the hat in the process. Sanji pushed him back into his seat and picked up the straw-hat, their pirate symbol.

"Jeez Luffy!" He snapped, dusting it off. "You can't see your hat, okay? You're cursed."

"I…I…_what_?" The pirate captain pointed to his reflection, "but it's still on my head."

"You. Are. _Cursed_," repeated Sanji slowly and crammed the hat on his gullible captain's head. "You can't physically see or touch your hat…I don't know how you never noticed it before."

Luffy looked utterly devastated. "**THIS IS HORRIBLE SANJI**!" He cried.

The chef shrugged, just as the vibrations beneath their feet slowed and came to a halt. Usopp, who was fogging up the window with his breath and drawing pictures with reasonable skill, jumped happily to his feet.

"This is my home!" He said in joy. "Hill Village. I, Usopp am their guardian, I protect them from wolves and bears; they have been awaiting my return with great anticipation! Ha ha ha haa!"

Sanji looked out of the train window and towards the big green hill. "Obviously." He dragged a crying captain to his feet and onto the train platform.

* * *

Zolo stood on his two hind legs, panting underneath a dark pine tree on the side of a crossroad, his pink tongue uncontrollably rolling out of his mouth. He sheathed his two swords and collapsed to the ground. "Bears?" He muttered in disbelief. "You went into a house…owned by bears?" 

"I didn't know," puffed the navigator, "that bears lived in houses. By all means, they should be in a cave – or better, a _cage_." She leaned her back against the pine tree. "You said you met pigs?"

"I did," replied Zolo. "Two of them, they lived in a house made of straw, next door to the house you were in." He laughed. "Why didn't you go into the pig's house?"

Nami frowned darkly. "How was I meant to know? Animals are food, not human-intelligent creatures…anyway, how did you get rid of the bears?"

The green wolf dodged Nami's attempt at scratching him on the head. "I forced them into the bedroom and locked the door."

The navigator blinked rapidly. "Poor Goldie-Locks…" she paused for a moment's silent in respect for the dead. "Oh well, can't be helped. Come on Zolo! We're going this way!"

There were two ways to go, one was to Sherwood Forest, which was sunny and birds were chirping – rabbits were singing. The other way was towards an Inn of some sort. It was hard to read the sign because Zolo was so low to the ground, so he shrugged and followed Nami down the slightly darker road. Suddenly, her foot sunk into the ground, she shouted in surprise and stood at an odd angle. Then the road swallowed her completely.

"NAMI!" He ran forward and fell too.

* * *

Robin watched as Chopper fumbled and dropped everything, with an exasperated sigh she bent down and expertly picked everything up and hurriedly tossed it into her tattered suitcase. "You really are useless, Chopper," she snapped as the two made slow progress down the rickety stairs of several flights. "Can't you hold anything or have you gotten lazy and grew butter-fingers? Hmm?" 

Chopper clopped carefully down the stairs that swayed dangerously beneath their feet; in addition, there were no rails. "It's this curse," he explained, "I keep dropping things after holding them for a second."

Robin snorted. "Pretty tragic for a doctor."

Chopper rubbed at his eyes furiously. "I hate it!"

The old blind woman looked down, towards the sound. "Hey!" She snapped harshly. "No sniveling in my presence."

The doctor regained his senses and focused on going down the stairs. Blindness did not even hinder Robin, as she confidently kept going down. Finally they reached the bottom and stepped into the small wooden floor and wall room with the old lice-infested sofa. Seeing it for a second time, Chopper would have not been surprised to see white ants crawling through the wood, imagine his shock when his saw long yellow worms instead and the lice-infested cloth was just lice-infested _without_ the cloth. He restrained from looking at the floor incase he saw something that made his skin craw – _literally_.

Robin walked over to a dark corner that Chopper had not noticed on his first visit, she leaned on a small desk and tapped on the window. "I'm going to leave this dump, okay?"

The doctor jumped in fright as the receptionist turned around to face Robin. The eyes were puffed black sores with yellow slits, it opened a crocked mouth, showing two square teeth. "Naaaaaame?" It hissed.

"Nico Rob…"

There was a loud groan that vibrated through Chopper's chest as two figures fell through the roof and landed in the worm-ridden, lice-infested sofa. He jumped in horror as a green wolf sprang off the seat and shouted.

"JESUS CHRIST! NOW I'VE GOT FLEAS!" It roared, bending around to bite the base of its beautiful fluffy green tail.

An orange-hair woman also jumped to her feet, tripped on the green wolf and fell headfirst into the wooden floor. An imprint of her face was left behind as she used the green wolf to lever herself up.

"Nami!" the wolf snapped.

"Sorry, Zolo," she moaned.

Chopper and Robin stood there, Chopper was shocked and Robin, for once in her one hundred years was at a loss for words.

T_hat sofa is Stumble Across Inn's trademark and a real stunning piece of artwork too. If you remove the lice, you can see the craftsmanship used to make that sofa. It was made from oak wood and the shape is quite unusual. It is, in fact, an open coffin but you would never notice until it was slammed shut. That is what they used to do when it was fairly new and the skeleton, who was the founder of Stumble Across Inn, was still decomposing. So, one would get to spend a few hours interacting with the famous man himself before being given a room. I must say, when they did it to me, that Mr. Stumble, for that was his name, was the very quiet sort. I tried to get some information out of him but he just grinned at me and I finally gave up and talked to myself instead. There was no point in panicking, otherwise the next visitor would have to speak to two people instead of one and I, personally, can talk until the cows come home and the visitor would probably die from my ranting. However, due to the fact the coffin itself is in the late stages of decomposition they have stopped the old tradition and give you a room instead – rooms, which make the coffin look like a five-star suite. This is just common Stumble Across Inn local history._

_At the same time, Hill Village villagers' were chasing Usopp, Sanji and Luffy with their very sharp pots and pitchforks out of the hamlet. Apparently, they had found another shepherd, or, might I say, 'guardian'._

* * *

**AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! people within hearing distance block ears at my horrid singing and start screaming Ooops! Sorry! blushes furiously**

**Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this chapter! You can tell me how much in your reviews! **_  
_


	7. To Robin, love from the StrawHats

**AN: CHAPTER 7 UP!!!! ((cheers in the background)) Well I hope you all like this chapter...I'm nearing the end - I think - about now. Really hilarious ending I've got planned for this story...((giggles))**

**Here's to Nuit89! ((evil smile (:(you know - Robin _Hood_):))**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**  
Man-eating horse, Rubber reins and Equinophobia

* * *

Robin looked like she wanted to hit something or someone. Her blind, white eyes were burning furiously as the small band of friends stopped for the tenth time that night. "CAN'T YOU GET YOUR DIRECTIONS RIGHT GIRLIE? OR IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?" 

Nami silently fumed – Robin was extremely impatient and testy now that she was a hundred years old and yet, Nami could not find the heart to give the old woman a skull-cracking smack in the head, which she totally deserved. She sat down in the wet, dark, dew grass feeling everything but hopeful. It was depressing to not know which way to go, to suck at directions as bad as Zolo was very…demeaning. She sighed as Robin began ranting again in her loud and piercing old voice.

Zolo padded up to the dull navigator. "Got any clue?"

"None," she replied tonelessly. "Why don't you think up something, Zolo."

He yawned, long white fangs glinting in the moonlight. "I'm just a wolf, what am I supposed to do? I couldn't direct myself even when I didn't have a curse." He gave a burly shrug. "We're just so stuffed."

"Stuffed," Nami agreed.

Chopper appeared and nodded as well. "Stuffed…" he paused as a long howl broke through the forest silence. He turned to their own wolf. "Zolo?"

"What?"

"You're a wolf."

"No, I'm a badger…OF COURSE I'M A WOLF!"

Chopper hid behind Nami. "I know…it's just, have you…have you ever tried howling?"

The wolf-eyes narrowed. "No."

A silver grin crossed Nami's face. "Come on Zolo!" She urged. "Wolves are supposed to have the loveliest of voices."

Zolo backed off. "I ain't howling," he snapped. "Being an animal has already been a blow to my pride."

Chopper and Nami rolled their eyes. "Sure," they said.

_I would love to continue on with this lovely conversation, but matter has it that I am already late in introducing the wild, man-eating horse previously ridden by Robin _Hood_. Note well dear readers that I said _Hood_. As I was saying, because I was late in introducing the man-eating horse, who we will call Thyestean for obvious reasons (if you have no idea what this word means then I suggest you use your brains, get a dictionary and look it up) Thyestean took Robin, Zolo, Nami and Chopper by complete and utter surprise. This means there was plenty of screaming and running, with audible screeching and swearing on Robin's behalf, which makes this story so much more appealing._

Zolo stood on his back legs and was about to reach for his swords when…

"MARIMO?"

The swords-wolf's jaw dropped. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Sanji looked away from his crewmate's awkward posture. "Zolo, don't do that…it's sickening."

Zolo growled. "Where's Luffy?"

The chef let go of the rubbery reins and gracefully dismounted from the black, fanged horse. The rubbery rein retracted and dangled from the horse's mouth. "Right," demanded Sanji, "drop the captain or I'll kick you up the rear...harder."

Thyestean whimpered and hurriedly obeyed, spitting the rubber freak out of his mouth. Luffy rolled from the mutant horse's mouth and splattered onto the dark ground in a pool of green-blue saliva. The captain jumped to his feet and yawned.

"Thanks horse for giving us a ride!" He said cheerfully.

Sanji pushed a stunned Usopp off the beast's back and reached inside his prince-like suite for a cigarette. "You wouldn't believe the bad luck we had," he said. "We ran into this inn…," then he spotted the navigator, a shinning figure against the moonlight. The cigarette dropped from his mouth as he gaped at her. "NAMI!" He was about to spin over to her when his head collided with a painfully hard, knurly hand.

"SHUT-UP YOU LOUD MOUTH FREAK YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!"

Sanji ducked as another collision was aimed for him. "What the…?"

Chopper hurried forward and pulled Robin back from attacking Sanji. She was not the ordinary old blind woman. "Robin!" He panted, restraining her. "It's Sanji and Luffy! Remember?"

Luffy and Sanji stopped dead still, with the exception of a stunned Usopp who was still getting over the shock from riding Thyestean. Luffy pointed at the old woman.

"What? Is that old woman…Robin?" A grin that glowed in the dimness appeared. "Nah, can't be."

Had Sanji been smoking a cigarette he would have swallowed it. "Robin?"

The old woman turned towards his voice and even in the moonlight, Sanji could make out the wise expression the younger version of Robin once had. He wiped a tear from out of an eye and fell to his knees.

"OH ROBIN!" He cried. "Even in your old age, you are as beautiful as a rose and…" again that some hard collision and, like Robin _Hood_ before him, Sanji went spinning away.

"Number one rule," growled the old woman. "No sniveling in my presence!"

Luffy broke into laughter. "HEY! I LIKE OLD LADY ROBIN!" He went spinning away and collided into Sanji. "Whoa, what an awesome old lady!" He said.

Sanji was chewing on his suite. "I LOVE MY OLD WOMEN FIESTY!"

Usopp watched this weird and wacky reunion, rubbing the back of his head where a not-so-sharp pitchfork from Hill Village had hit him. He turned to Thyestean. "Well," he muttered. "For a group of pirates they…" he stopped as he noticed the weird look in the mutant horse's eye. "Thyestean?" He began to back up as the beast opened its fanged mouth. "UGH! HELP!"

Zolo reached for his swords, Sanji tapped his shoes and Luffy hitched his shoulders higher. The three of them sent the creature into the night sky.

Nami laughed. "Just like old times!"

Chopper smiled…was there something missing?

* * *

_I, dear readers, will not put the following in italics because as you will see, this section of the story is in fact a mixture of the story and my point of view. The reason this section is in italics is because I am telling you what will happen - **do not get confused**. _

Robin Hood, yes dear readers Robin _Hood_, stepped outside of his humble little cottage. My apologies, _limped _outside of his humble little cottage and turned on the tap to water his award winning geraniums. Which he had single-handedly – and I mean that literally – grown from seeds. He had geraniums of all different colours and types. Little geraniums, big geraniums and some in between called, medium geraniums. He knew which ones needed more attention and which ones needed more compost. Robin even knew which gender they were. He had even given all eight-hundred-and-forty-three of his geraniums a name. That just shows how much he loved them. Anyway, Robin _Hood _stood there, whistling a merry tune to his flowers when he heard a far off whiny.

Ever since his encounter with the fanged horse of Stumble Across Inn, Robin _Hood_ of Sherwood forest, had sadly got Equinophobia. And to those who do not know what "equinophobia" means, I will simplify it with the word Hippophobia…and no, it has nothing to do with hippopotamuses – that would be irrelevant to the story. Fine, fine, to those who still will not get up to get a dictionary, or, do not take Greek lessons then I will simply the word one last time. Equinophobia and hippophobia (and stop thinking of hippos) are just two very fancy and highly intelligent words that mean "Fear of Horses'. That is what Robin _Hood_ has; he is afraid of horses.

Now that I have explained myself let us continue…

Robin _Hood_ heard a far off whiny, with frantic eyes he looked for the source of the sound. Half expecting a black mutant beast to jump out from behind the white picket fence. In fact, that was were he thought the sound came from. Imagine his shock when a fanged and oddly familiar looking horse landed on top of his award winning geraniums. Why, he screamed of course! The little high-pitched scream people hear five year olds make. He threw his _arm_ in the air and made some hobbling attempts to run back to the house.

Meanwhile, Thyestean was getting his bearings. He had just flown all night and the sudden impact of land, which he had almost forgot, existed, was a real shocker. However, he had landed on something soft and…flowery, which broke his fall and he was alive. Thyestean shook his long face and looked up at the green clothed man hopping madly down the little cottage path. There was a glint behind his dark eyes and, if you will, a flicker of recognition. That same man, with the green clothes. The horse jumped to its legs and charged down the cottage path like a train out of control. Like a lion after a defenseless lamb! Like a mutant fanged horse after a green man who is missing nine legs and twelve arms! Can the suspense get any worse? Thyestean made a dramatic leap into the air, (_which I caught on tape and play every morning because it gives me goose bumps_) and jumped on Robin _Hood_, crushing his beloved flowers and dirtying his green clothes. Thyestean opened his huge mouth and….

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**AN// I have a niggling feeling ((and it could be the fact a slug is climbing up my back)) that this chapter may be a little...uh...scary! He he he! No, I mean short. Oh well ((shrugs carelessly)).**

**See? Now the Straw-Hats are all together! ((wipes tears with toilet paper - ran out of tissues))  
**

**Review! And you will receive virtual Onigiri rice balls! YUMMY!**


	8. Woof, wolf, woof

**AN: It took me a while to update...sorry. So busy with school and all. Anyways, here it is TWO small chapters. I will be writing a chapter for each of the straw-hats!! Ok, now that's said, READ!**

**Disclaimer: I, Oni Giri Slash, doesn't own OnePeice. The fairytales scattered through this story have been passed from generation to generation and require no disclaimer whatsoever. **

**Stories are to be shared, dear readers, not copyrighted.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

In which Zolo, once again, cleverly disguises himself as a dog

* * *

Zolo bared his teeth and glared up at the hawk in the tree. "I will defeat you," he growled, "and become the greatest swordsman in the world." He stood on his hind legs and drew his swords.

_Oh dear, I am terribly sorry if you are lost. You see, I was so busy telling you, dear readers about Robin _Hood's_ dramatic demise that I forgot all about the Straw-Hat crew! I suppose we will never know how they were separated and I suppose we will never know whom the voice was that told them to go to "Emerald City". What a stupid name to call a city. Anyway, as you see, the Straw-Hat crew are divided and are fighting their way to the stupid city called "Emerald City", which is what a voice told them to do and Zolo is hopelessly lost – which is hardly surprising since he was never good at directions in the first place. However, on his way he met a hawk with a very big sword and instinctively knew it was the famous swordsman Hawk Eyes Mi-Hawk, now he is going to slice and dice him up._

The black and blue hawk cocked its plumed head, as all birds did. However, unlike all birds this one sneered. Mi-Hawk raised a wing in sinister greeting. "So, Roronoa Zolo, you want another duel?" He slurred with his otherworldly accent.

Zolo gripped his swords in his paws and swung them around. "You bet, Mi-Hawk."

"But," said the bird, "you are nothing but a wolf, how can you beat me?"

"Wolf or man," replied Zolo dangerously, "with hands or without, I _will_ defeat you."

The black-blue hawk made no motion. "You're style looks disgusting!"

"I DON'T CARE!" He shouted at the creature in the tree. "LET'S SEE WHO'S THE STRONGEST!"

The hawk swooped down onto the hilt of his large black sword. "Very well Roronoa Zolo." The bird began to raise, its hawk-feet clasped around the hilt of its sword. Mi-Hawk's black-blue wings pounded at the air furiously, a sweat broke out on his beady-forehead as he tried lifting his large blade.

Zolo watched, feeling slightly embarrassed by the proceedings and was starting to wonder what the others would say if he defeated Mi-Hawk…as a bird? He could just imagine it.

Mi-Hawk stopped his frantic flapping and caught his breath; he gave the green wolf a, some-what broken look. "I wouldn't ask anyone else, but…"

Zolo's ears flattened against his skull with dread.

"Could you assist me in lifting my sword?"

In a flash the wolf sheathed his swords, dropped to his fours and bolted away into the forest.

Zolo pounded angrily through the undergrowth, slipping wolf-like through the shadows. His life was ruined if Mi-Hawk was nothing but a bird with a funny looking plume on its head. Everything was ruined for him. He could not walk around as a sword-wielding wolf all his life. It was strange and weird for everyone and no one would take him seriously – they would be in stitches every time he drew his swords.

The swords-wolf finally slowed and stopped in the shade of a dead tree. Just as he was deciding what to do with himself, Zolo's sensitive ears located a scratching sound beneath the dead tree.

"Help! Help!" Came a scared whisper.

Zolo followed the sound and, crawling on his stomach squeezed his narrow wolf-head into a gap. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the gloom. A good thing about being an animal was the acuteness of his senses. In the corner of the fallen tree was a small boy, lying on the ground, whispering 'help' repeatedly.

Zolo snuffed his nose in further. "Hey!"

The boy looked up at the voice. "Who said that?" He cried huskily, terror staining his voice.

Zolo was about to reply when he stopped. The boy would go crazy if he thought a wolf could talk. Clearing his throat, he barked sharply.

The boy looked up, his eyes brimming with happiness. "Hey doggie!"

For good measure, he barked again.

"Doggie!" The boy cried wearily. "Run back and get mummy and daddy, please! I'm trapped under this log and my leg's caught. Please, please, please, get them. There's a town about five minutes from here. GO DOGGIE! GO GET THEM!"

Zolo hesitated, but the boy was so terrified that he backed out and ran in any random direction. The child was trapped – he himself could have moved the fallen tree by cutting them, but he did not want the child going home blabbing about a talking wolf. That humility was between himself and his crew.

It took about four minutes of hard running. When Zolo found the town, he went charging down the cobble streets barking to his hearts content. The towns' folk ran out of their houses with deep concern on their faces as Zolo continued to yap.

"GOOD LORD!" Cried the butcher. "LITTLE JIMMY'S TRAPPED UNDER A LOG!"

The towns' people all grabbed an axe and willingly followed a slightly stunned Zolo cleverly disguised, once again, as a green dog. He led the entire towns' population quickly to the trapped child. The people saw the log, ran over to it with their axes raised and began hacking it up.

The butcher soon helped the boy out from under the log. "Jesus Jimmy," he said gruffly, "you're lucky this dog came and told us about everything, otherwise you'd be still be under there until you died."

Jimmy limped up to Zolo. "Thanks doggie."

"Yeah," said the butcher. "We owe you one."

Zolo raised a wolf-like eyebrow and gave a cautious bark, because it seemed the safest thing to do.

"Eh?" Grunted the butcher. "You need to go to Emerald City? The dumbest named city in all the lands? Why, its right over there." He pointed to a tall spiral of glowing green in the distance – probably a few hours walk.

"It's not too far, a few hours walk, nothing a dog like you can't handle."

The swords-wolf coughed-barked.

"No, no, no. No need to thank us, we're happy to help," and the butcher waved the green dog off until he was a green speck on the horizon.

The butcher slapped Jimmy on the back. "What a strange creature…" He turned back to the town's folk. "Well what are you all standing around here doing? Lord and Lady Canine want their claws clipped. So _chop_," he chuckled at his butcher joke, "to it!"

The town's folk barked in unison and hurried off to serve their canine rulers.

* * *

**There will be short chapters for each of the straw-hats. Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!!**

**There's a little button below here that wants to be pressed - go on. Press it! LOL! Anyway - to the next chapter. MWA HA HA HA HAA! )**


	9. Sanji's ruby slippers

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Lion, tigers and bears  
Oh my!

* * *

Sanji helped Robin step out of the house, which had just been picked up in a freak storm and blown away. Now they had crashed on the solid ground. 

"YOU!" Screamed an old green coloured woman, a huge boil occupied the left side of her face…no, the right side of her face…now it was crawling back to the left side!

Sanji shuddered.

"I'M THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST! HOW DARE YOU LAND THIS HOUSE IN MY DOMINION!"

Robin pinpointed the yelling and shouted back. "STOP SHOUTING YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!"

The wicked witch of the west, whose name was Charlotte, screamed with rage. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!" She advanced towards them, waving a crooked twig around. "I WILL CURSE…ARGH!"

_"Argh" is he universal noise that every one makes when a house suddenly falls on them. It is quite an unusual sound that is high pitched in the 'arg' part and has a gasping sound towards the 'h' part. Then usually a silence lingers for a while afterwards. I have tried this theory on all of my employees and they all ended up with similar sounding 'argh's'. Which is how I can draw a conclusion that the universal noise people make when a house suddenly and unexpectantly falls on top of them is indeed an 'argh'. The silence that ensues after the 'argh' is hard to write; therefore, I will leave it in the hands of you, the reader, to make up a sound for the silence._

Sanji stood there, waiting for the dust to clear – listing to the lingering silence.

_See? Lingering __silence._

He casually lit a cigarette. "She was so annoying." And guided Robin around the house where the two found themselves in a paved garden. There was beauty in the air and…little giggling sounds.

Robin frowned. "What's that sound?" She spun around. "Where's it coming from?"

Sanji peered between the well-watered shrubs, which had been pruned in the shape of squares and hexagons.

"Thankyou stranger, for getting rid of the wicked witch…"

Sanji looked up to the sky and saw an angel. Hearts flew to his eyes. "SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!"

Robin boxed him over the head. "That flirty talk won't work with me!" She croaked.

"Hello," cooed the fairy-looking woman. "You have done such a good deed in our land that I shall give you these red slippers."

Sanji looked down at his feet where a pair of red slippers with high heels appeared. He gave a startled jump. "But I'm a _guy_!"

The fairy shrugged. "But they look good on you," she said.

Robin was looking around frantically. "What looks good?"

Sanji forgot the fact about the slippers and he swooned beneath the fairy woman.

"Now you wish to go to Emerald City?" She asked.

The blonde used-to-be-chef nodded eagerly. "Lady…I mean! Emerald City, yeah."

"Then you should follow the yellow brick road…" her voice began to grow hollow as her figure faded away.

Robin glared at the ground. "Follow the what? What the heck are you talking about you complete and utter nut."

"Follow the yellow brick road…follow…brick…yellow…the…" and her voice and body disappeared.

Sanji looked at his slippers, which were standing on top of yellow concrete. He grinned between the cigarette. "The yellow brick…what the?"

Suddenly the whole garden erupted in movement as small fat round people came running out from behind the square and hexagon bushes. There were grins on their faces as they huddled around Sanji and Robin. Then they began singing a tune so tuneless that it made everyone's ear cringe and shrivel up.

Robin clasped her ears and shouted. "SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP!" She sent many of them flying.

_And because I know you are dying to know what they were singing, I will give you a brief lyric of the words._

_I know a song that'll get on your nerves_

_Get on your nerves_

_Get on your nerves_

_I know a song that'll get on you nerves_

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road_

_Follow, follow, follow, follow_

_Follow the Yellow Brick Road_

_All day long_

Sanji bit down on his cigarette. "JEEZ, THEY'RE ANNOYING!" Sanji tapped the tops of his slippers, lifted his leg into the air, and shouted. "MUNCHKIN MASH!"

Soon the entire population of Munchkin-vill was munchkin mush.

It was not much later when Dorothy wobbled dizzily from out of her house. She ignored the cold, bare, dead feet sticking out from underneath her house and looked at the two different coloured roads. One was red and one was yellow.

"Well, Toto," she said, "what one shall we take?" The small dog barked and chased its tail. "Good choice Toto, since I'm colour blind, I can't see what the colours really look like, which accounts for my bad taste of fashion and horrible voice – which, in fact, has something to do with my hearing."

And so, using her confusing sense of judgment, Dorothy, ignoring the mushy stuff, followed the red coloured road. Toto did not like this way. So he sat down and waited for someone to feed him.

Sanji shook his head; this was a weird, weird place. "We need a fire for the night," he said to Robin. "Because I'd hate for you to get a cold!" He cooed.

Robin nodded wisely. "So would I."

"No, no, no, no!" Cried the scarecrow as Sanji lifted him down from the stake amongst the corncobs. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! THIS IS MURDER!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "You haven't got a heart, which means you're not alive. It ain't murder."

The scarecrow stopped his pathetic struggle and pointed at Sanji's feet. "What pretty slippers!"

Sanji ignored the comment and pinned the talking hay stake to the ground.

"NO!" Cried scarecrow. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

_The next morning…_

Sanji doused the fire with the clothing worn by talking haystack and he and Robin set off again on their journey of danger. By and by, the pair encountered a tin man. Sanji went up and checked him out.

"Hmm hm im herm." Mumbled the tin man.

"Sorry," replied the previous chef of the straw-hat crew. "I don't speak your language," and he picked up the oilcan that would hopefully get the cursed slippers off his feet.

It was not long after that; a lion attacked them.

"Roar!" The lion said, jumping out from a bush without any leaves. "I will kill you and then eat you."

"Wow," said Robin. "I'm shaking."

The lion blushed. "Was I _that_ scary…ugh!"

Aged arms sprouted from his body and in moments the lion was out of it, whether he was _in it_ to begin with, Sanji and Robin could not tell.

So within a few days and after being attacked by winged-monkeys Sanji and Robin knocked on the large green doors of Emerald City. The door attendant answered and upon seeing Sanji's slippers he immediately opened the largely over exaggerated doors.

The man in green bowed low. "Your majesty," he slurred.

Sanji lifted his nose higher and puffed out his chest and took large sweeping steps, and, guiding Robin he was led into a salon.

Zolo looked up. "About time you got here,' he smirked.

Sanji froze as he stared at a well-pampered green wolf, whose fur had been cleaned to a shiny olive and whose tail was a fluffy as that of a squirrel. The wolf grinned revealing whitened fangs that needed mounting on a hunter's wall.

* * *

**OMG! Getting towards the ending...! (I can predict maybe 4 more short chapters and one long one) OH! Better do a disclaimer for Wizard of Oz. "OGS does not own Wizard of Oz and never wants to."**

**Just so you know, I don't mind the Wizard of Oz - actually it was one of the movies I can remember watching as a little kid and it was GREAT!...at the time. So I thought of this and it was funny. Yeah...! REVIEWS REVIEWS!**


	10. Nami reveals the power of her curse

**AN: Sorry it took so long to get another chapter up...school work and stuff. Hem hem. Anyway**, **I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**OGS does not own OnePiece!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

In the Labyrinth  
- In which Nami hates squirrels and Sanji wears red -

* * *

"I'm hungry, Nami," Luffy groaned as he watched Nami scramble up the dark vine covered wall. "You know," he said, "that's cheating Nami."

The once-navigator grunted. "Like this is cheating."

Luffy shrugged. "I just thought people weren't allowed to climb the walls of labyrinths." He clutched his stomach. "I need something to eat."

Nami ran a hand over the rough surface of the wall. "Shut-up Luffy, I'll lose my concentration…eek!" She lost her footing and plummeted to the ground.

The captain burst into laugher. "Nami!" He grinned as she dusted her skirt. "You're so funny!"

She sighed and slapped a hand to her forehead. "I give up. We're trapped in this god-forsaken maze thing forever." She felt the light spray of water on her skin. "And it's raining…how depressing."

Luffy looked up to the darkened sky that shrouded the dark labyrinth. Suddenly, he heard a light scratching sound as an orange chipmunk clambered down the wall. It cautiously made its way, brave way to Nami.

Nami felt something fluffy touched her arm and looked down. "What the…?"

The chipmunk held out an acorn. "Ninnum munnin?" It squeaked with big, bright, innocent eyes, made more innocent by the rain as it dripped down its orange fur.

"Awe, for me?" Nami said as she accepted the acorn. "Why, I don't know what to say."

The chipmunk started making bashful gestures. "Ninimi muinim muin."

Nami hurled the acorn at the rodent's head. "HIT THE ROAD BUCKY!"

The chipmunk screamed and bolted to Luffy.

"It's alright," Luffy assured it. "Nami's not in a good mood right now."

The rodent pointed to itself.

"No, no it's not you," said Luffy. "Nami's not the easiest person to get close to…there's a wall there. Trust me."

Nami rolled her eyes. "Don't tell your talking to the thing?"

Luffy shook his head. "No, I'm not. We've both been affected by trauma, so we can understand one another. Isn't that right?" He tickled the chipmunk's wet tummy.

"What trauma?"

The chipmunk began making violent gestures towards the navigator. Luffy hurriedly stopped it and whispered. "Don't do that if you value your life." The chipmunk handed Luffy a mysterious object, gave him the acorn and with one last loathing look at Nami, climbed back up the wet wall of the dark labyrinth and was gone.

Luffy shoved the acorn in his mouth and swallowed. "What a funny little creature!" He said cheerfully, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, Luffy," said Nami. "What did the thing give you?"

"Oh yeah," Luffy opened the mysterious object and unrolled the piece of paper. "IT'S A MAP!"

Nami squealed. "IT'S A MAP OUT OF THIS MAZE! WE'RE SAVED! THANKYOU CHIPMUNK THING!"

Luffy grinned widely in the rain. "Tell me how to read maps Nami and I'll lead us," he declared passing the soggy parchment to his once-navigator.

"Okay," she said excitedly, "here goes…what!" Her hands began shaking violently. "Eh? What's wrong with me?" She felt her clenched fists tearing at the map.

Luffy gave a startled shout as Nami ripped the map into two wet pieces. "NAMI!"

Nami's tears mingled with the pouring rain. "I…I can't stop it Luffy!" She tore the map into four.

The Straw-Hat captain tried to force the map from his friend's iron grip and she ripped it again and again, until the tiny wet fibers that were once the map dropped to the dark ground and drowned in the murky puddles.

Nami cried out in the sheer horror of it all. "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I TORE A MAP UP, LUFFY! I NEVER DO THAT KIND OF THING."

Luffy instinctively made to lower his hat when he remembered his was cursed from doing such an act. "You know, Nami," he said to the sobbing navigator, "maybe if we went his way…?"

Nami stood up defiantly. "I'm not giving in! If that rodent can find its way around this place, then I can too."

The rubber captain pointed at a large hole that had appeared at his feet. "Let's go down here!"

"ARE YOU CRAZY, LUFFY?" Nami howled. "WE'D GET LOST AGAIN, PROBABLY DIE!" She turned left. "We're going this way!" She strode angrily forward.

"Uh Nami…watch out for the…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGH"

Luffy grinned. "Hole," and jumped after her with a childish 'wee'.

* * *

"No no no," said Sanji. "Red. Red's more my colour, don't you think?"

Zolo rolled his eyes. "When did 'what I think' become so important?" He grumbled. "All I know is that whether in red, blue, black or pink you still look like a…WHAT THE…!?"

The two crewmates from the Straw-Hat crew watched as the green coated servants came charging back into the glamorous clothes store.

Sanji gave them all his winning smile. "I have decided on red."

The short green servants ignored him as they ushered another two in. "You two," squeaked a plump man, "will stay here with the others and get clothes, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he turned to Nami. "ISN'T THIS GREAT?"

Sanji's jaw dropped. "NAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" He turned to Luffy. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?"

Nami wiped a cake of mud from her forehead. "It wasn't his fault Sanji," she said.

Zolo snorted. "I find that hard to believe," he backed away as Luffy bounded up to him. "Go away, you're all muddy!"

Luffy grinned. "Wow Zolo, you look nice and clean. C'mon puppy!" He whistled to his first mate.

Just as Sanji relocated his jaw, there came a call from inside the change room.

"I'M READY!" And a wisened Robin twirled out from behind the curtains. Sanji fainted; Luffy blinked; Nami looked on with a blank face and Zolo felt a sudden urge to use the bathroom.

Robin twirled around again. "I'll take your stunned silence as a silent awe," she croaked.

The captain's face broke into a huge toothy grin. "Hee hee. Something like that!"

* * *

**AN// Yep, Emerald City!!!! WHOOHOO! I've almost done this story...phew!**

**R&R**


	11. The missing chapter

**AN// Yes TWO stories, hee hee. Read, read READ!**

**Oni Giri Slash does not own the following stories/ and products revealed in this story.**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

The Chapter that should have been between chapter 7 & 8 or,at least the author thinks it was between Chapter 7 & 8...?

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_I suppose you are probably wondering how the Straw-Hat crew was split up again, hmm. Well, after extensive research and numerous calculations I have finally come up with a series of probable and highly likely answers. It has taken the past fifteen years of my life to bring you this information, so I hope that you will take advantage of what I am about to tell you._

_The first one involves murder, so please, to those who feel sick seeing an ant with a limp, I advise you to **READ NO FURTHER**._

It was a dark, cold night. The Straw-Hat crew, now reunited, was having dinner. Zolo, with the combined forces of Nami, had lit a fire and everyone was seated around it.

"If only there was food to eat," said Luffy.

The millisecond the words left his mouth a face appeared in the fire. It was a big, hairy face. There was practically no face at all, so we can safely say a brown hairy bush of a beard. A smile battled through the beard and consumed whatever naked parts there were.

"I think he's smiling," said a shaky Usopp.

"Err, 'ello," said the head with a gruff, uneducated voice.

Everyone timidly raised an arm in greeting.

"Is there a 'Arry Potter, anywhere 'ere?"

"Who are you?" Demanded Nami, raising a stick.

"Me? I'm 'Agrid, from 'Ogwarts. Sor'y to bother you an' all, wrong phone number or somethin'," he said another hundred words of apologies into his beard and was gone.

"Weird," muttered Zolo, causing everyone to look at him.

A good ten minutes later there came a cry from in the woods. "DIE!" said the cry. "DIE FOR GODS SAKE!"

Luffy jumped to his feet. "I'll save you!"

Brave, brave Usopp shouted after the rubber freak. "No, Luffy, you'll die!"

Luffy crashed into the undergrowth when suddenly he found the voice to the person shouting 'DIE'. "Umm," said Luffy looking up at the huge spider, then to the red head holding the tiny can of fly spray. "Do you need any help?"

"DIE! DIE YOU FREAKING FREAKS OF NATURE!" and 'schhhh' went the fly spray.

Luffy shook his head. "That's not going to work," he said.

The red head boy, obviously, Ron Weasley turned to him. "What do you mean? DIE!" 'Schhhhhhhhhh'.

"You need this to kill them!" Luffy pulled out a can of Mortein. "Home Brand won't do."

Then the Mortein jingle started up as the spiders dropped dead.

"More smart

More safe

Mortein!"

_Oh dear, dear readers, I am so sorry. This was the advertisement I was writing for Mortein and not the story that split the crew up. I feel incredibly embarrassed. Let me start that again, please, if you no longer want to hear it, then you are obliged to forward on to the next chapter._

It was a darker and colder night then in the last story, when a dark figure emerged from out of the woods.

"Go," it hissed, "to Emerald City, the stupidest named city in the land. From there you will find someone who can get rid of your curse."

Zolo spun around, lighting his tail on fire. "Who are you?" He snarled.

"Interesting," said the figure in the shadows, "a talking wolf." It watched as the green wolf stood on its hind legs and drew its swords. "Err…does anyone else find this oddly disturbing?"

The crew around the fire nodded.

"Anyway…Go to Emerald City…" the figure faded. "To Emerald City…to…city…hello?…my…voice…is…sounding…echo-y…whoooooo," and the figure was gone in a little puff of black smoke. There came loud coughing and gasping sounds. "That didn't go right, can I try that again?"

Everyone nodded and shrugged.

"Thanks…whooo!" 'POOF!' the figure vanished for sure this time around with only a faint coughing sound. Sanji shot down the coughing bat.

Luffy jumped in joy. "LET'S EAT IT!"

Sanji threw the creature on the fire. "Sure, if you want rabies."

Chopper swallowed. "Rabies?"

Usopp shuddered. "Bats…I hate bats."

The bat began smoldering at the edges. "Perhaps," said Nami, "it's done."

Sanji's eyes glowed in the firelight. "A little longer."

Luffy watched in dismay as his bat dinner went black, to charcoal and then, to ashes. Then the fire blew up and sent them flying miles away from each other. They were separated this way.

_I myself have always wondered why or how the fire blew up. However, believe me, faithful readers, that in the clearing where the Straw-Hats sat, there are huge scorch marks around the trees. I concluded three possible answers. One, that the fire truly did blow up. Two, a bomb was thrown at them. Or Three, which to this day I highly doubt; Ace, Luffy's brother, came and visited them, he had a cold, sneezed and Bob's your uncle, blew them away._

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**AN: Have a great day! UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER MWA HA HA HA HAA!**

**But before you leave, READ AND REVIEW!**

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The truth...

Ace came into the clearing holding a handkerchief to his inflamed nose. "Luffy?"

Luffy looked up from the disintegrated bat. "Ace?" He got up and ran over to him. "How did you get here?"

Ace shook his head. "Is that bat I smell?" He inhaled sharply through the raw nose.

"Yeah," moaned the little brother. "But it's burnt now."

"Damn," cursed the older brother, "I'm allergic to bat."

And with that, he gave a tremendous fire blazoned sneeze, scorching the trees in the clearing and sending the Straw-Hats miles away. Ace watched them go. "IT TOOK ME A WHOLE YEAR TO FIND THEM DAMMIT!" He stalked off to find a pub.


	12. Under the celestial attraction tree

**AN: ** **Yes! Another chapter is up! Sorry about the delay...school work...I know you all understand. It's nearly Easter too! I've written a One Piece easter story story called Easter Zoro-Bunny if you're looking for a bit of humour! **

**Anyway here's to Chainofdreasms, one of my first reviewers, who gave me this idea!  
**

**Disclaimer: Oni Giri Slash does not own One Piece! -**

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**Chapter Twelve**

Introducing the true tale of Snow White  
-Chopper and brave Usopp-

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Our brave Usopp from Hill Village and Chopper peered through the bush and observed the small, brown, cozy looking cottage. They watched as a small, bulky man walked out, carrying a ridiculously over sized pickaxe. The bulky dwarf was waved off by a beautiful young girl, with flaxen hair and snow white skin. 

Chopper inhaled sharply. "That's Kaya!"

Usopp looked at the mutant deer. "Who?"

"She was a girl that Luffy and the others met not long ago," he informed his comrade, "I wonder how she got here?" He slowly crept out of his hiding place.

"OI!" Usopp cried stumbling after the creature. "Wait for me!"

Chopper walked straight up to the girl. "Hi?" He said shyly, raising a hoof in greeting.

The blonde maiden looked down. Her eyes lit up as she spied the brown creature. "Oh!" She cried in delight, clapping her perfect hands. "A small reindeer that can talk! How wonderful!" She scooped Chopper up into her arms and proceeded to crush him.

Usopp, recognising that the lass was not a threat, came charging up. "Hi! I'm Usopp the brave warrior of these lands!"

The pale girl smiled kindly. "I'm Snow White."

Chopper stopped his struggling. "But I thought…?" Suddenly, the dwarf appeared, carrying his hideously large pickaxe.

"SNOW WHITE?!" He barked, charging past her and into the house. "WHERE'S MY LUNCH?" He sat his hardy behind onto a small stool, picked up the silverware and started to bang them on the wooden table.

Snow White let go of Chopper. "Would you like to come in for lunch," she asked sweetly.

The two boys nodded eagerly and followed the girl inside.

The dwarf looked up with a frown creasing his tiny face. "I DON'T WANT THOSE IMBECILS IN MY HOUSE…actually," he reconsidered in a lighter voice, "they are quite welcome!" His eyes looked down his pear shaped nose. "In fact," he dribbled and commenced to hit his head repeatedly onto the table.

Noble Usopp and Chopper watched the dwarf with worry, though Snow White made her busy way about cooking and did not seem the slightest bit disturbed about the dwarf who's head was becoming flat sided.

_Remember, my dear readers, when I said that stories become grossly altered through the passages of history? Well, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a prime example of this 'alteration'. You see there were no 'seven dwarfs' that lived in a small house. There was only one. This dwarf suffered from a severe case of mood swings. Correct, mood swings. He went from his high highs to that of his low lows in a shorter time then it took you to read this. One minute he would be a happy as a clam and within two point three seconds (depending on who was counting), he would be having a temper larger than a whale. These mood swings were so severe that it seemed he had become an entirely different person, hence, the mistake that there were seven dwarfs instead of the one. Therefore, the appropriate title should have been Snow White and the Dwarf with Mood Swings, blame Disney for tricking you into thinking otherwise._

Kaya, or Snow White in this scenario, placed a large bowl of purée in front of dwarf, where the small man continued slamming his head into the bowl, causing sickening 'splashing' sounds and swinging purée all through the kitchen.

Usopp slammed his lips shut as he felt something climb his throat.

"Um," said Kaya, slightly embarrassed by the dwarfs actions, "would you like your lunch under the Celestial Attraction Apple Tree?"

Usopp blushed. "Umm…err…"

Chopper nudged him. "She means 'gravity'."

Our brave hero shook his head. "OF COURSE! LEAD THE WAY MISS WHITE!" And the three left the crazy dwarf to dunk his head in and out of his purée.

"This is really nice!" Chopper squealed, taking another slice of pie and then dropping it, making a huge mess all over himself.

Snow White smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

Usopp pointed up to the apple tree. "Look! Those apples, they're ripe!"

"That may be so," she replied, "but they are too heavy too eat." Her two new friends looked at her. "They're so heavy," she explained, "that they say if one falls on top of you it's bad luck…and it gives you an incurable disease."

Usopp and Chopper scrambled out from beneath the tree.

Snow White laughed. "Do not worry," she assured them, "it's rare that a gravity apple drops."

_Again, dear readers, no wicked witch with demented limbs and such, with a mind seething with revenge because Snow White was prettier, really existed in the original Snow White and the Dwarf with Mood Swings. And I can prove it too. I am positively sure that everyone has heard of a certain Isaac Newton. Well, before Celestial Attraction Apple Tree's were banned (and then urged onto the brink of extinction) they were commonly used (for what reasons I have no idea). Isaac was sitting under one of the said trees and doing something that involves mathematics far beyond my reaches, when a Gravity Apple hit him, on the head. There was much swearing, head rubbing, and plenty of soul crossing, but instead of being knocked out of existence (like a few other people who had suffered a similar fate) he encountered an epiphany and wondered 'why does a Celestial Attraction Apple drop?' Now he could not say 'because of gravity', that would be silly, but I have proven that those nasty trees did exist. Back to the story. The Celestial Attraction Apple Tree probably heard Snow White's words and decided, for the hell of it, to give her a good slug with said apple directly above her head._

Brave Usopp and Chopper watched the red apple plow into Kaya's head, she looked blank for a second and then keeled to the right side (your left).

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Chopper screamed. "WHERE'S THE DOCTOR?"

"I'M HERE!" A stout dwarf carrying a black suitcase and wearing thick rimmed glasses came charging out of the cottage. "Fear not," he said, "I'm a doctor." Usopp and Chopper watched as the little man set to work. "It's no good," said the dwarf

_Can I give him a name? Of course I can. From henceforth the dwarf's name will be Doc, that is, until his next mood swing, which is about to occur in **ten minutes and five seconds**._

Doc looked at the others sadly. "There is only one thing that will cure her," he said solemnly, "a plant that grows in the giants garden."

Usopp shuddered. "Err…how do we get there?"

The dwarf pointed to the large green beanstalk beside the horrid apple tree. "Up there."

Chopper jumped back. "I didn't notice it before!"

"Me neither," said Usopp quietly.

_I will make this short and bearable, our brave Usopp carried Chopper all the ways to the top. Nothing much happened, just the over sized caterpillars and giant moths that went by._

Usopp's hand grasped into the edge of the cloud and wearily hauled himself up, dragging Chopper behind him. "M-made…it!"

Chopper jumped for joy. "Now we just have to get the plant in the giants garden!"

Usopp led the way. After two hundred meters, give or take, they stepped onto a brown patch of garden. Chopper blinked. "Broccoli?"

"NOOOOOOOO," cried Usopp, falling to his knees, "curse you broccoli!"

Sure enough, the giant only grew broccoli, which made it easier to pick the right plant. Chopper pulled off a giant branch of broccoli and dropped it. He turned to the person from Hill Village. "I can't hold them, could you pick it up?"

"I…I can't touch broccoli!" He said defiantly.

"FEE FI FO FUM!"

The two stopped dead still as huge pounding footsteps grew louder.

"I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A REINDEER-MAN!"

Chopper felt his blood freeze.

"BE HE LIVE OR BE HE DEAD!"

Usopp picked up the broccoli branch. "Let's get out of here!"

"I'LL GRIND HIS BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!" The huge giant bellowed.

After a short dash for the beanstalk, Usopp, heroically holding Chopper _and_ the horrid broccoli, began his rapid descent.

_Ten minutes and three seconds…ten minutes and four seconds…**ten minutes and **_**_five seconds!_**

Grumpy (the same dwarf who used to be Doc, but he has had another mood swing) looked up the beanstalk. "I'M SICK OF THIS THING IN MY FRONT YARD!" He screamed. With that he grabbed his huge pickaxe and began to hack away at its base. "JUST LEAVE MY GARDEN IN PEACE!"

Brave Usopp clung for his dear life as the beanstalk swayed dangerously. He unwillingly looked down and spied the short speck hacking away at the base. "STOP IT!" He screamed, but depressingly his voice was collected up by the wind and thrown elsewhere. Chopper blocked his eyes with his small hooves as the broccoli plummeted to the ground below.

"YOU BLASTED GREEN THING!" Grumpy gave one last hack, causing the beanstalk to topple to the left. Crashing through the forest as it charged downwards towards Earth. He fainted when the meteor broccoli smashed into his thick skull – or perhaps he became Sleepy?

Chopper's eyes watered fiercely as the landscape rushed beneath them in colours of greens and browns. He clung onto Usopp as hard as the curse would allow him. He could hear Usopp screaming his heart out a mile away, although he was right beside him.

"THIS IS IT!" Usopp cried between his wailing screams. "GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!" He squeezed his eyes shut.

* * *

"Usopp," squealed Chopper, "Usopp wake up!" 

The once shepherd opened an eye. "Where…am…I?" He allowed the reindeer boy to try to help him up.

"Emerald City!" The creature said jumping up and down. "The beanstalk took us all the way to our destination!"

Usopp felt his knees shaking with relief. "A miracle," he faced the gem of a city shining in the setting sun. He looked back along the beanstalk, now lying flat to the ground, its stem fading into the horizon like a green path. The two traveling companions spotted a yellow road and followed it all the way to the huge emerald doors of Emerald City.

Luffy looked up as Chopper and Usopp approached the large doors. "CHOPPER! HEY GUYS! CHOPPER'S BACK!" The group ran out to greet their doctor.

"This is great!" Nami declared. "Now we can get rid of this curse!"

Zolo grinned. "Finally!"

"Aww," moaned Luffy, "I like you being a wolf…I always wanted a pet!" He chased after his first mate, trying to scratch him behind the ears.

A cloud of smoke erupted into the air. "Let's go."

"Err," Usopp asked timidly, "what about me?"

Zolo snorted. "Get lost." He dodged Luffy's rubber hands.

Robin squinted her white eyes at the long nosed one. "Should we take him – he's a bit chicken isn't he?"

"What do you think Luffy?" Nami called to the captain chasing the green swords-wolf.

Luffy grinned. "He can come!"

Usopp beamed and followed the Straw-Hats.

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**AN: Wow! I'm nearly finished! There'll be one or two more chapters to come! Thanks so much to all those who have read and reviewed my story! -  
Review my dear readers and receive virtual Easter Eggs!**

**Happy Easter!!**


	13. And thus the story ends

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**Chapter Thirteen**

In which we reach the end...but will it be a _happy_ ending?

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The trees about them darkened as the crew turned off the yellow brick road and headed down a dirt path. Zolo sniffed the air and continued to pad on, Sanji watched him and rolled his eyes, lighting another cigarette. Nami looked to her left and to her right, narrowing them at every moving shadow. Robin held a terrified Chopper in her arms; her old face stared defiantly ahead, daring the unforeseen danger to show its ugly face. Usopp walked behind the group wearily, his nose quivering with every second step. Luffy's bright straw-hat bobbed some way ahead. 

Zolo stopped. "I heard something," he warned his crewmates and Usopp.

Sanji walked into him at knee height. "Yeah, well I don't hear anything, Marimo."

Robin frowned, adding to the wrinkles. "I hear it too. A stomp…shuffle…slide…stomp…shuffle…" she felt Chopper try to cling onto her tighter. "You're such a cry baby, Chopper!" She declared.

Luffy stopped his prancing and looked behind him to his motionless crew. "GUYS!" He called, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Being quiet," Usopp answered hoarsely, his knees knocking each other.

"ABRA KADABRA!"

Luffy turned in time to see a bolt of blue fly past his ear. He jumped back in surprise. His eyes widened as a man dressed in thick blue robes and blue pointed hat stepped out of the forest, holding a crooked stick.

"OOOOOH!" Luffy shouted, jumping up and down. "A MAGICIAN!"

The magician's white beard trailed down his front and rolled along the ground where it ended. "GET OFF MY PROPERTY!" He shouted. "OR I'LL CURSE YOU LIKE I DID TO THOSE PUNKS A YEAR AGO. MWA HA HA HA HAA!"

Zolo bared his teeth. "SO YOU'RE THE MAN WHO TURNED ME INTO A FOUR LEGGED ANIMAL?" He stood on his hind legs and hastily drew his swords.

The magician blinked at him. "If I did," he replied. "I truly regret it."

Nami put together her clima-tact. "Luffy!" She called to her gullible captain; "this is the man that cursed us!"

Luffy's face darkened. "Really?" He pointed at the man. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT OLD MAN?"

The magician tore his gaze away from the green wolf and at the straw-hat wearing boy. "BECAUSE I CAN, STRAW-HAT BOY."

Sanji tapped his shoes. "Be prepared for a sore a…"

Usopp grabbed Chopper and Robin and hurriedly ran behind a tree. "WE'LL STAY HERE! GO MR. LUFFY!"

The magician watched as the crew surrounded him; he gave a lopsided grin as he raised his arm. "YOU THINK YOU COULD TAKE ME ON?"

"YEP!" Cried Luffy, hitching his shoulders higher. "CUZ WE'RE PIRATES AND WE WANT THIS CURSE OFF!"

Usopp had never seen warriors as the ones he watched before him. No matter how many times they were zapped with blue magic balls, no matter how many times they fell to the ground crying out, no matter the hopelessness of the situation they faced. They, that crew, stood up and attacked, repeatedly. The green wolf, Zolo, with his three swords slicing the air, failed to harm the magician. Sanji dressed in magnificent red, hands resting deep in his pockets, attacked with only his feet. Luffy threw his arms forwards with so much force the trees broke in half on impact. Nami produced thunderstorms and unmentionable tempests with her metallic blue staff. He frowned; it was as though he had seen something like this before. Desperate to help, he grabbed the closest forked stick and ripped the hem of his shirt.

Our hero, brave and mighty Usopp tested the elasticity of the fabric – it would have to do. He hurriedly tied it around the two prongs of his stick.

Chopper watched him with horror. "What are you doing?"

"I have to help," he replied, wiping sweat from his face. "You see that tree your captain punched?"

The reindeer peered out and looked at it. "Yeah."

"I don't see anything," replied Robin testily.

"That magician is standing right in front of it," he tightened his expert knots. "It's a long shot, but with the correct force I could bring that tree crashing onto the magician without his knowing!"

Robin grinned wickedly. "Good plan lad. Here I was thinking you were born without guts and a brain."

Usopp scooped up a large stone. "Wish me luck!" He whispered terrified, before crawling beneath the ferns.

"I like him," nodded Robin. "At least he doesn't try making himself some sort of hero, like some people I know." Luffy's warrior cry echoed through the forest trees.

Our warrior Usopp had the tree in view. Even lying on the ground, sling an arm's length in front of him, he could feel his knees shake. He wiped the sweat from his eyes and he wished he had a pair of goggles. He loaded the makeshift pouch with the stone and leveled it at his line of sight.

"Three…" he stretched the elastic back. "Two…" he pulled harder. "One!" The rubber captain had suddenly jumped in front of the stone. He opened his mouth to shout. "DUCK LUFFY!"

Luffy heard the cry; he felt the stone enter his back and watched in amazement as it passed through his stomach. The stone slowed, narrowly avoiding the magician, who, like everybody else had stopped to watch this weird event. Luffy's rubber took hold and shot the stone back where it had come.

Usopp watched his stone come flying back. "Not good," he muttered. He pressed himself lower to the ground. He felt the stone whistle overhead.

Zolo raised his swords once more. "That was weird." Everyone looked at him.

The magician sighed. "It was nice to play this game," he said with a bored voice, "but I'm afraid you will have to DIE! BHA HA HA HAA!" He lifted the wand into the air and…!

"MR. MERLIN AMBROSIUS!"

The magician flinched at the cackle as a sturdy woman came trotting out of the woods.

"GET BACK WITCH!" He warned.

"I'M NOT A WITCH! I'M YOUR WIFE!" The woman screeched brandishing her own crooked looking wand. "WHAT IN THE BLAZES HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO THESE POOR CHILDREN?"

Merlin lowered his wand. "Nothing…they…you see…trespassers dear, Rose."

The old lady, Rose, shook her head. "What did they do to you?"

"They ruined my trees, that's what they did!" Retorted the husband.

Rose looked at her ragged husband. "YOU WERE MEANT TO WEAR THAT BLUE ROBE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY DINNER TONIGHT! MOREOVER, LOOK AT YOUR BEARD! YOU'VE BEEN TRODDING ALL OVER IT!" The magician in blue looked down at his beard, where the white tip had become dirty. "Merlin, I wonder sometimes why I have been married to you for so long," Rose shook her head as though calculating the years was too much trouble. She looked up at Luffy. "I'm so sorry dears," she said. "My husband is becoming senile, you know how it is."

Everyone nodded.

The magician crossed his arms. "I'm not going senile, Rose."

She ignored her stubborn husband. "I can't apologise enough…what was it this time. Turned to frogs? Slugs? Snails? They're the worst cases…"

"I got turned into a wolf," barked Zolo.

The old lady looked at the wolf standing on his hind legs and holding three swords. She patted him sympathetically. "…But then, I could be wrong. I think your case is the worst yet, dearie." She waved them to follow her. "Come along dears and old Rose will get you fixed up."

Sanji spat out his cigarette. "I hope for Zolo's sake you're not serious."

Zolo snorted. "I think your high heels are going to…"

Suddenly, Sanji dropped an inch in height as the heels on his red slippers snapped.

* * *

Usopp came out of Mrs. Rose's potion room; he paused as his crew looked up, waiting. Luffy grabbed his straw-hat and stuffed it on top of his marksman's head. "You back, Usopp?" He asked. 

The long nosed boy grinned. "You bet, Luffy, I…it's unbelievable! I had a feeling sometimes that things were familiar. I just couldn't remember."

Nami leaned back in her old woolen grandma chair. "I'm so glad this is over."

Usopp scooped Chopper into his arms and embraced him; Luffy grabbed them both and hugged them back too. "We're back together," Chopper squealed.

"AAAAAAARGGH!" A furry green man came charging out of the room, his limbs flying in all directions. He looked up at his crew. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?"

Sanji blew out a breath of smoke. "You're a werewolf, Zolo."

"I'M A WHAT?"

Rose appeared, trying to coax the huge green furry man back into the room. "Come on dearie, I warned you it wouldn't be an easy reversal spell," she glared daggers at her husband. "Don't worry, that's it come back in, we'll get it right." Zolo reluctantly followed the old woman back into the room and closed the door.

"OOOOOH! DID YOU SEE THAT!" Luffy cried. "ZOLO HAD A TAIL!" He banged on the closed door. "OLD LADY! KEEP THE TAIL ON!"

"GET LOST LUFFY!"

Sanji smiled and looked over at Robin. "How are you Robin?"

"Very well thankyou, cook," she replied, her face deep in the old magician couples dusty volumes.

Nami nudged her female companion. "A hundred years, eh?" A sly grin plastered her face. "What did you do in all that time?"

"Studied," she replied calmly, "read books, wrote books and became a professor somewhere I can't remember."

Nami sighed. "No wonder you went blind." The hugging trio collected her off the seat to add to their collection.

The door flew open again. "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SHAVE EVERYDAY!" Zolo scrambled out, his hands clinging to the carpet. The old lady grabbed him and pulled him back in. "NO! NOOOOO!"

"Don't worry dearie, I can fix that."

There came a puff of pink smoke.

"NOW I'M COMPLETELY BOLD!"

"Maybe, I over did it…?"

Luffy giggled and pulled everyone over to listen, pressing their ears on the door.

There came a puff of green smoke.

"I've still got a tail," groaned Zolo from behind the door.

"Yes, yes I know," there came sounds of objects being moved around. "Perhaps we can cut it off?"

"NO NO NO! Just keep trying!"

After ten more puffs of varying coloured smoke, a furless and tail-less swordsman appeared. Zolo, dressed in a green wolf-fur robe, hugged the walls for support until he finally found an old sofa to sit in. "I'm cured," he sighed in relief. "And I'm hungry!"

Sanji grinned. "I can prepare a beautiful dinner for everyone!"

Rose came out wiping her forehead with a cloth. "That would be really nice dear."

The chef set immediately to work.

"Sanji," Zolo called.

The chef's head appeared around the doorway. "What?" He held a plate of red meat.

Zolo reached out for it. "I like my meat raw."

Everyone grimaced and turned to Rose. "It's a phase," she replied unsure. "It should pass in a while."

Sanji threw the meat at Zolo where he caught it in his mouth and immediately swallowed it with a satisfied growl. Even Luffy looked sick.

Early the next morning, Rose and her senile husband Merlin, walked the straw-hat crew to the path that lead to sea. "It was so nice having some young blood in the house," Rose said, handing Nami a map.

"Blasted young miscreants," grumbled Merlin. Rose glared at her husband.

Luffy grinned. "That's okay! Thanks for letting us stay!"

"Yeah," agreed Nami, dancing around with her map. "It's been a long, long…"

"Long…" added Usopp.

"Very long…" agreed Chopper.

"Weird…" said Zolo – everyone looked at him.

"Crazy…" Sanji cried.

"Journey," finished Robin.

They waved the old couple off and headed forth on the path to sea where they were told Going Merry awaited for them after a whole year.

"OI! YOU LOT THERE!"

The crew turned back. There, standing on the path was the villagers from Hill Village, holding their sharp pots and pitch forks. "YOU LOST ALL OUR SHEEP!"

Two dirty children glared at them. "YOU ATE OUR TRAIL OF BREAD!" They pointed dangerously at Luffy.

Behind Hansel and Grettle came an old witch. "AND HE ATE MY HOUSE OF CANDY…CURSE YOU!"

Trotting up on a black fanged horse came a pink clothed man.

All eyes look at the human stub. "ROBIN _HOOD_?"

Beside Robin _Hood_ came the Italian chef who once worked at Sanji's castle. "HE BURNT DA SPAGHETTI!"

A golden headed girl with golden curls screamed at them. "THAT GREEN HEAD MAN LOCKED ME IN A HOUSE WITH BEARS!"

Two fat pigs came trotting up. "HE BURNT OUR HOUSES DOWN!"

"I DID NOT!" Zolo shouted to the porks.

The woodcutter from Little Red Riding hood came up. "THE RUBBER FREAK STOLE MY AXE!"

Suddenly a filthy looking Dorothy came up. "YOU!" She screeched, shaking her fists at Sanji. "MADE ME GO ON THE WRONG ROAD!" Behind her came the bruised munchkins from Munchkin-ville.

An orange furred squirrel stood up, making violent gestures at Nami. "MINUIM NIMUUN MIMMIN!"

A red head, Ron Weasly, walked pass holding a can and had a grin on his face. "THANKS LUFFY!" He called. "MORTEIN RUUUUUUUUUULES!" And off he went.

Suddenly Grumpy came running up, holding his large pickaxe. "YOU STUPID IDIOTS!" His eyes crossed and he began to dribble, then proceeded to roll in the dirt.

Every single one of them had a snarl on their faces. "YOU RUINED OUR FAIRYTALE!"

Robin _Hood_ shouted. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

Zolo sighed. "Looks like we're going to have to run."

Nami looked at him. "That's not too bad."

"It is when you've been walking on four legs for over a year!"

Luffy grinned widely as he slapped his bottom towards the people. "TRY AND CATCH US!" He sped off, followed by his crew. The fairytales hastily gave chase.

"THERE'S THE SHIP!" Usopp cried, pointing at the white speck out at sea.

Nami looked back and screamed as a sharp pot narrowly missed her. Luffy swung an arm back. Everyone ran faster as the rubber arm scooped them up from behind and sent them flying onto the ship.

* * *

Brave and noble Usopp, the hero for this story, opened his eye and stared at Chopper. "Wha…what happened?" 

Chopper finished wrapping the bandages around his friend's head. "You ploughed into the ship by accident."

Usopp's eyes closed again. "Stupid…Luffy…"

Nami strutted across the deck with her metal staff over he shoulder. "Right boys, look sharp," she ordered. "I want this ship sailing…Sanji! Zolo's doing it again!"

Sanji came striding out of the kitchen and stormed up the stairs. "GET AWAY FROM THE BUSHES YOU JERK!"

Luffy bounced up. "Don't Sanji," he moaned, "Zolo's okay."

"That's not okay," he grunted and made his way back to the kitchen where he continued in preparing lunch.

"ZOLO, LUFFY!" Nami shouted. "HERE, PRONTO."

The two moodily trudged down the stairs. "Yeah?" Luffy asked.

"Zolo's to stay out here and eat his meat," she said. "The rest out us can go in and have lunch."

Luffy jumped in the air. "FOOD!" He patted his first mate on the head and ran into the kitchen. Shouting started up.

Nami patted Zolo on the head. "Good boy," she cooed.

Sanji threw the red meat out the door where it landed with a 'splat' on the deck.

Zolo felt something climb his throat. "UGH! That is really disgusting, love-cook," he walked into the kitchen and joined the commotion.

_That is it my dear readers, the story is now complete. I hope that you have enjoyed this story of mutated tales and suspending horror! I know it has been a great pleasure for me to tell you this tale, its characters are truly entertaining and the story so twisted it keeps you on your feet. Until next time dear readers, when another story is told. I shall wait here on Fairytale Island and watch the Going Merry as it sails into the golden sunset._

Brave Usopp cradled his head and watched as Luffy, Zolo and Sanji fought over lunch. Nami and Robin were talking to one another with broad grins. Chopper was packing his medical bag. It was though one year had never passed.

_And like all fairy-tales_

**They Lived Happily Ever After**

**The End**

* * *

**That's it guys!! YAY! I'M FINISHED! ((jumps and clicks heels)) Thank-you all so much for reading this far and for your reviews!! Now I can start another looooong story - I think it'll be an adventure one...yeah...((walks off scratching head))**

** REVIEW...and tell me how much you enjoyed the story overall! **

**Oni Giri Slash...signing out...  
**


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